Dreams Before Yesterday
by Firefly Rebirth
Summary: {Complete!} Riku and Kairi have had a child. Their relationship is over, but when Sora returns after ten years away from home, how can they convince him of the truth?
1. Introductions

Dreams Before Yesterday 

            Riku wouldn't lose her.

            His bare, sun darkened feet thundered across the scorching hot wood of the dock.  His expertise prohibited the man from slipping on the streaks of water splashed there.  Run.

            _Run_.  It was all he could think.

            He had to save her.

            The silver haired man stared over the water, eyes wide—almost bulging—with frustration.

            Finally, there she was!

            To the right he darted, leaping in after that lock of red hair shining in the water.  He could only imagine the sweet, tanned face with the pink lips squeezed shut and the cerulean eyes searching—oh, those poor panicked gems!—trying desperately to glimpse some faint hope of rescue.

            Rescue arrived promptly as the man submerged himself, sending the green-blue water from the sea to the sky.  His feet were so heavy in his quest that they sunk to the sand below.  With naked, muscular legs he pushed off the bottom and flew through the tide's unforgiving current and caught the small body in both arms.

            He came up all at once, emerging over the waves, throwing back his head and the cropped silver hairs that usually rested so elegantly upon it (now they exploded in all directions like fireworks, sending water everywhere).  He took a big deep breath before he paddled with his strong legs to shallow water.

            He reached the sand again and dragged his prize from the depths of high tide.  The girl was unconscious, so helpless in his grasp.  The red hair clung to her face and the man carefully brushed it away from her eyes and mouth.

            All the gentleness in him mounting deep inside, he reached the dry sand and laid her down, turned her over so she was kneeling over the ground.  He patted her back, harder and harder.  She came awake all of a sudden and began to cough.  He coaxed her with his deep voice, urging her to resist the urge to gag.  She put both hands on the ground and spat and vomited all the foulness of the sea she had swallowed.

            She was very tired when she had finished and looked at him with sad, exhausted eyes.

            "Oh, Papa," was all the child said before falling into his arms.

~*~

            Kairi's eyes were on the sky, as they usually were.  The sea churned softly to itself, lapping at the beach far below her loft.  She sat by the window and pulled a brush thoughtfully through her hair.  Part of the time she had to fight the strands, as they seemed rather bent on drifting out the window with the wind.

            She stood, her brushing done, and left the tool on her vanity before proceeding to race down the two flights of steps.  She lived in the big old house on the far side of the island.  It was built around three great trees, two of which that had long since passed on, that served as sturdy hollows to live in.  Boards and vines crisscrossed the trunks to form rooms large and small.  The youngest tree, which was still full of life, stretched from the ground up above to shade the home with its eternally green branches and, during the right season, drop the delicious paopu fruit.

            She never failed to skip the last two steps, leaping down despite anything—her dress, her mood, her health.  Kairi had taken to wearing long skirts, for she no longer felt any need to show off her legs to anyone.  She wore tank tops because of the heat, and alternated between tying her long, red hair atop her head and letting it loose to play with the teasing breeze.

            After she left her house and let the cloth door swing shut behind her, she wandered up the beach to the main village area where about a dozen other tree houses and huts stood.  In the middle was the well and more toward the middle of the island was the public bathroom and shower.  Around the side people were gossiping and trading cloth for fruit and wood for labor and so forth.

            Kairi lived on the third island in the Destiny Islands chain.  It was the farthest from the main island and also was the smallest.  The closest neighbor was half a day's boat ride away, and even that was with a favorable wind.  The other four islands were grouped more or less together, so it was as difficult to reach one as another.

            But this island on which she stood had been her home since she first arrived from Hollow Bastion and the only one on which she would dream of living.  It was also her child's home.

            Speaking of that, where was the girl?

            Kairi became worried and looked around, her eyes wide and her heart beginning to race.  She had been alone in the house when she had woken up this morning, but that was not rare.  The island children rose at dawn and stayed out until suppertime, and no parent thought anything of it, having done the same thing in their youth.

            Still…Kairi was a mother and had a certain premonition about these kinds of things.

            Selphie walked up then, shoulder length brunette hair bouncing and her face filled with concern.  "Hey, what's the matter?"

            "Do you know where Nadia is?" Kairi said slowly.

            "She went off with the others about half an hour ago.  Was hardly sunrise," her friend replied, shaking her head as if to say, 'Was _I_ ever that young?'

            "Kairi!"

            Kairi spun to see one of the neighborhood boys running toward her.  He was coming from the other side of the island, where the docks and waterfall were, where all the children liked to play.  "What is it?"

            The blond child breathed as if it could be his last time.  "We were playin'—and Nadia slipped offa the dock and fell in!"

            Kairi's blood ran very cold, and all her muscles froze.  "_What?_"

            "Ka—"  But before Selphie could say anything, Kairi had come to her senses as a watchful mother and was racing across the sand, screaming her daughter's name.

~*~

            Riku had the girl cradled in his arms.  The small arms were wrapped around his neck.  He held his daughter close, thanking the gods he had arrived in time.

            He paused by the waterfall and used his hands to spread fresh water across the girl's face to rid it of the stinging salt water.

            "Papa, I'm sorry I slipped," she mumbled in her small, seven-year-old voice.

            "It wasn't your fault," he assured her.  Even if it had been, there was no way in the world he could be angry with this little angel of his.

            Riku's head snapped upward instinctively when he heard a voice.  His days of being a fighter were far behind him, but the reflexes were still carved into him—no, maybe he was carved from those very same warrior's instincts.

            "Kairi," he said to himself when he saw the woman jogging across the sand.  She didn't notice him at first; her eyes were fearfully on the rising waves of the tide.  She stopped as if in defeat before finally turning her gaze to where Riku and the child were kneeling.

            Her face lit up like a bonfire at the midsummer festival.  She came upon the two very quickly and took her little girl into her arms, ignoring all the water.

            "Oh, my baby, are you all right?" she proceeded to murmur, taking the little clone of herself very close and holding on very tight.

            "Mommy, why are you crying?" wondered the girl, gazing into her mother's face.

            Kairi sniffed and wiped the tears away before littering the child's cheeks with kiss after kiss.  "Mommy was just a little scared for you."

            "I'm fine now, Mommy.  Papa saved me," the girl said proudly.  She was always proud of her father.

            Kairi turned her eyes to Riku and her expression beamed with such gratitude she didn't have to speak a word.  He, the father of her child, who knew the woman so well.  He knew how thankful she was because he would have felt the same with the situation reversed.

            But the thanks eventually melted and the usual distance between them returned once more, like an ice-cold breeze.  Kairi looked away.

            "Mommy's going to give you a nice bath at home, Nadia," Kairi whispered.  She adjusted her grip on the small body so that Nadia was straddling her middle.

            "I'm a big girl, Mommy," mumbled the child, her heart half in the argument.  But she was quite tired from almost drowning, and gratefully placed her small head on Mommy's shoulder and drifted back to sleep as the woman bounced her up and down.

            The three returned to the main village, both parents relieved and the little girl content—most likely oblivious to the magnitude of the tragedy that had almost occurred.  Kairi breathed slowly, trying to urge her heart rate back down after that impulse of fear.

            Riku was silent.  He adjusted the dirtied, tattered shorts that ended raggedly at his knees and began to brush seaweed from his bare chest.  He halfheartedly dragged calloused fingers through the short silver hair of his and adjusted the black bandana across his forehead.

            He secretly admired the beautiful woman next to him as she mumbled lullabies to the slumbering Nadia.  Her hair's long strands were flying out like a veil behind her in the morning breeze.  Her rosy cheeks seemed smooth beneath the dried tears, and her face itself was always so sweet.  Her eyelashes were long and dark above absolute jewels of eyes, and below a cute nose her lips moved gently, perfectly round and painted red.  Her body was medium height, her build slender.  Kairi was indeed the most beautiful creature he would ever know.

            And he also knew that she would never be his again.

            When she had told Riku that she couldn't be his anymore, there was no need to mention the reason.  At that time, the reason in question had been missing six years.  She wouldn't give up hope, that lingering hope that he would return.  Even now, though Kairi vehemently denied it, she was still looking out, praying to see him return.  Now that it had been ten years since they had all been together.

            And that reason, the reason that most everyone was sure was forever gone and more than likely dead, he would forever separate Kairi from Riku, be he near them or not.  That reason who everyone was sure would never come back.

            That reason was washing up on the beach, not so very far away at all.

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Important:  You did _not_ read this story.  It was merely a figment of your imagination!  The author did _not_ break her promise to finish her old epics before starting anything new and she _didn't_ just have to get this out because it was kicking her brain cells this way and that.  I mean…what story?  Besides, this won't be very long.  Um, yeah, I mean what are you talking about?  Story does not exist.  Don't tell your friends about it.  What is there to tell?


	2. Discoveries

            It was midday when Nadia had washed and napped and was finally playing again, this time in the large living room at the base of the giant tree house.

            Over the past fifteen minutes or so, the look of the outside had changed drastically.  The clear blue sky had given way to a mass of gray clouds.  The sea's surface had transformed from one of polished crystal to one of darkened, chipped stone.  A storm was coming.  It looked like it, it smelled like it…and it _felt_ like it.  The air was heavy.  Certainly, something important was edging closer and closer.

            Kairi really didn't care for the ways storms always came so suddenly.  They could never build over a day.  They had to wait until everyone was enjoying the sun and then, only then, pounce like a lion from the grass.

            She was glad her house stood so high on the hill.  Below the trees' enormous anchors of roots was a cliff that jutted out and then sloped gradually down to the water.  The house was not in danger of flooding unless the storm turned tremendously bad.

            The wind was growing colder.  Kairi latched the wooden shutters of the large window facing the main village.  She turned to check up on the little redhead playing with dolls atop the large auburn rug in the middle of the floor.

            Nadia looked up.  "Want me to shut the other window, Mommy?"  At her parent's nod, the child clumsily rose, struggling in the skirt of the loose yellow dress she wore.  Nadia went to the other window and leaned out, her eyes tumbling off the cliff to the shore below.

            "You can shut it already, Nadia," Kairi said absently as she picked up some papers that had been blown to the floor.  "It's starting to rain."

            It was indeed raining, beginning with a chilly drizzle.  But the girl stared straight ahead, eyes unblinking.  Moisture gathered on her face.

            Kairi gave into curiosity and wandered over.  "What are you looking at?"

            "There's somethin' down there," the child mumbled.  Her expression was very plain.  She didn't smile or frown.  She simply _looked_.

            "Okay, okay, let Mommy see," Kairi mumbled, lifting her daughter from the sill in order to acquire a better view.

            The woman gasped.

            "Who is it?"

            It _was_ a who down there, wasn't it?

            "Mommy's going to go look.  Nadia, stay inside."

            Kairi grabbed the shawl that dangled from the rack by the door and began a fast descent toward the rising waters.  The storm was picking up by the minute, the drizzle growing into larger frozen pellets.  It was difficult to see.

            Kairi fought with her hair.  It seemed set on getting in her mouth and—worse—her eyes.  Futilely, she tried to stuff it under her shawl and this she knotted around her chest.  She was battling the wind now.  It seemed she could only progress one step for every two she made.

            She squinted.  There was someone down there.  Someone nestled in the cluster of rocks by the beach, someone buried in seaweed and sand.

            "Hey!" she called, yelling to help her voice carry in the howling wind. "Hey?" she tried again.  But she could see, now, that the person was unconscious.  Possibly dead.

            Kairi recoiled.  She'd never seen a dead body before, and this didn't seem like the day to start.

            However, if this person _were_ alive, he wouldn't be for much longer…  Not in this weather.  The sea was threatening to bury him any minute.

            "Come on," she murmured, grabbing the arm.  It was warm.  Thank goodness.

            She grabbed the two wrists and began to tug, throwing all her strength into the venture.  One step backward.   Two.  Only a hundred or so more.

            They reached the house, that house made of tree on the outskirts of the village.  Nadia was in the doorway, eyes wide and curious as always.

            "Is he dead?"

            "I don't think so," Kairi replied.  She let out an _oomph!_ after dragging the body across the threshold.  Seaweed, sand, and man lay together on the rug, right next to Nadia's dolls.

            "Who is it, Mommy?"

            "Don't know.  It's too dark."  The sky was almost black by now.  The clouds must have been very thick.  They must have held lots of rain.

            "Want me to light the lantern, Mommy?"

            "It's too high up for you, baby."  Kairi left the stranger on the floor and went to the kitchen for matches.  She returned to the main room and lit the two large lanterns hanging on opposite walls.  The room filled with light.

            The girl was leaning on tiptoes out the door.  "It's like nighttime."

            "Fasten the door, Nadia," Kairi instructed after she disposed of the match.

            "Is he okay?"

            "I don't know.  Fasten the door."

            "Yes, Mommy."

            The little girl helped her mother lift the man and lay him across the wooden bench on the wall nearest the kitchen.  The light from the lantern above swung across his unconscious figure.

           Kairi leaned over and began to pull the strands of ragged hair and the seaweed from the man's face.  She got one good look at his face and promptly fainted.

~*~

            Riku had heard some commotion downstairs and he finally went to investigate.  He could hear the storm howling as it encircled the house and he growled at it.  He really hated storms.  This one sounded so fierce, too.  No worries.

            He wouldn't let anything happen to those he loved.

            No worries, right?

            When he finally reached the living area, he saw Nadia kneeling over Kairi's soaked, unconscious body.

            "Papa!" cried the little girl, a bit panicked.  "Mommy fainted!"

            Riku was at the woman's side instantly.  "She'll be all right.  What happened?"

            "She looked at him," Nadia explained, gesturing at the couch.

            Riku's eyes narrowed.  He hadn't noticed this stranger before.  His gaze locked onto the man's face, from which the debris had been wiped away.  It wasn't a stranger at all.

            Riku's jaw hit the floor.

            "Don't you go and faint _too_, Papa," the girl ordered unhappily.

            "Papa's not going to faint," Riku said with false confidence.  He reached over and tousled his daughter's hair.  "You want to help me clean him up?"

            "What about Mommy?"

            "We'll help her too."

~*~

            It seemed as though he had been sleeping for an eternity.  It was a strain to leave that blanket of darkness.  That soft cushion of emptiness.  That absence of struggle, worry, and doubt.

            But…eternity was a long time.

            He finally blinked his eyes open, one and then the other.

            He saw first a metal and glass lantern swinging above him, swaying, splashing its light in all directions.  Beside him, the wall seemed to be one of bark and wood intertwined.  The couch beneath him was wood too.

            _So bizarre…_

            "Is he waking up?"

            "Nadia, go get your papa."

            _No way…_

            "Okaaayy…"

            "I'm so glad…I thought you were never going to wake up, Sora," spoke a soft woman's voice.  It was familiar…

            _No way…that's impossible._

            He sat up slowly.  The world spun and blurred.

            "Sora!" the woman cried.  Soon there were arms around him, tender hands pressed against his back, warm breath on his chest.

            All he could see was shining, reddish hair.

            _It's…impossible…_

            "You've come back…!"

            _I'm…home…?_

            "Kairi?"

            She let up on her embrace, somewhat reluctantly.  His sight returned to him.  He saw her.

            He never wanted to look away again.

            "Don't cry, Kairi," he tried to say when he saw her cheeks glinting in the yellow-orange light.

            Only…he felt like he might cry too.

            Thump.  Creak.

            Sora whipped his head to the right.  His eyes narrowed as he tried to get the colors of the room to stop swirling.  He probably had a concussion.  He probably had worse.

            Oh, well.  He had endured worse before.

            The creaking that had so startled him turned out to be a bare-chested man coming down a steep staircase across the room.  On his shoulders was perched a very small but pretty redheaded girl in a sun yellow dress.  She had a very big smile.

            A very big…familiar looking smile.

            Sora returned his gaze to Kairi's face.  He looked at the girl again, now that she was being brought closer.  Then he studied the man, who turned out to be a matured Riku.

            Then he looked at Kairi again.

            No one had to say anything.

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The author realizes that the chapters are short and aren't her best writing.  But this is merely a fling with an idea and not meant to be that serious of an endeavor.  Probably four or five of these short, choppy chapters anyway.  Yes, the author should do better than that and push herself further.  But the reader must remember that the story is merely a figment of his/her imagination.


	3. Ponderings

            The storm was dark and heavy all night long.  By morning, the rain still was coming down, but not quite as violently.  It changed into a very fine but dense mist as the skies lightened from black to deep gray.  The sun was out there…somewhere.

            Nadia had gone to bed early.  She was never very active when the sun refused to show itself, and the grownups' conversation was confusing and, consequently, boring.  She had played with the dolls on the rug a little more after the stranger had woken up.

            She headed up to her room after supper, since she didn't feel very comfortable around adults she didn't know.  She looked through the books and picture books she owned and then drifted off to sleep, the adults' voices hushed and serious a floor below.

            But now it was early morning and the child lay restless among a tangled web of sheets.  She could still hear the rain dribbling on the shutters as she placed bare feet on the floor.  Cold.  She retracted her feet, the toes tangling just above the bare floorboard.

            Still listening to the storm's soft grumble, Nadia slipped on her flip-flop shoes and shuffled across the floor.  She was wearing shorts and her papa's old shirt.

            The shirt was much too big for the girl, even as a nightgown.  It was faded blue, enormous, and had been patched and re-patched many times.  It was an old shirt and both Kairi and Riku had wanted to throw it out or use it as a dishrag or _something_, but Nadia was wise to their tricks and would dig it from the trash every time.

            Now it had a big coffee stain on the right shoulder and the whole patch that used to hang over her knee was gone.  The shirt persisted to smell like Papa, so Nadia insisted on wearing it.  Her mother would just shake her head at bedtime when the child pulled on the ragged old shirt.

            Nadia plodded across the room to the mirror propped up on her small table.  There was a big bushy brush there.  The seven-year-old was quite content to squint at herself in the glass and pull the brush through her hair until it hung relatively straight.  Some mornings, her mother would braid it or pull half of it up into a ponytail or something equally as stylish.  Nadia always liked that.

            The old grandfather downstairs began to play.  Nadia froze near the door, waiting to count the chimes.  She rather liked counting.  Maybe Papa could give her another fun math problem today.

            She held her breath.

            One…  Two…  Three… Four…  Five…

            Nadia paused, suspended in the air.  The clock had finished.

            Five in the morning?  That was a little early, even for Nadia.  She usually woke up at six or six-thirty.  Nadia finally remembered to breathe out and went to the window to look outside.  The rain didn't seem so scary right now.  Last night she had been a little afraid, but the adults were too busy so she didn't go down and ask for help.  She hadn't much liked being among the three of them.  They all kept looking at her.  They hadn't been so serious because of something bad _she_ had done…had they?

            Nadia knelt on her trunk and unlatched the window and pushed out to look down on the ground.  She was up on the second story out of three, so it was a little high.  She wasn't scared, though.  Only Mommy was afraid of heights.

            Papa wasn't afraid of anything.

            Nadia scooted forward so that her thighs were pressed up against the wall and her elbows were on the very edge of the sill, practically outside.  The mist began to wash her face.  It tickled a little.  The girl laughed.

            Nadia could see Papa down there on the stretch of ground that lay between the house and the village.  Papa was only wearing his shorts.  He must have been cold.

            Nadia peered forward.  She could see her father's face contorted with emotion, or maybe just strain.  He kept turning and turning, kicking the air before him.  Sometimes he would duck as the invisible enemy tried to strike.  Other times he would punch back with his full fist.

            Nadia had once asked her Papa why he did this and his reply was "training."  Training for what, Nadia had no idea.  She did know, however, that Papa was sure to defeat any opponent, be he imaginary or of flesh and blood.

            Her papa went to the side and picked up a large wooden sword that he had carved out of a log last year.  It was a very thick, very heavy weapon.  Nadia had tried to lift it once and found it made her wobble and collapse.

            Papa must have been the strongest person in the world.

            The man held it in one tightly balled hand and then the other, throwing it back and forth in front of his face.  He would leap in the air, twirl, and bring the sword down to the ground.  Muddy water splashed into the air, like he had hit a geyser.

            He spun again and again.  He slashed, dove, ducked, and then flew back up to attack.  His bare shoulders heaved with fatigue.  The veins on his huge arms bulged.  His face stayed distorted.

            Was Papa angry?

            Suddenly, the wooden sword clattered to the ground.  Papa held his left hand in the other and folded in on himself a little.

            Nadia knew why.  She wasn't supposed to tell, though.  Papa had made her promise not to say anything about it, because Nadia wasn't supposed to have been there.

            A little less than a month ago, Nadia had discovered her father inside the cavern known as the Secret Place.  He had been saying something to himself, and then he had made a fist and punched the wall.

            Hard.

            He pulled his hand away and it was all bloody and one of the knuckles all messed up.  It was when she saw the blood that Nadia gave herself away.

            "Nadia!  What are you doing here?" he had said, drawing back.

            Nadia had cried softly.  Her papa was so angry!  Even if he had instantly transformed into his original self upon seeing her, she had still witnessed him shatter his knuckle on the wall.

            "Nadia, it's all right," he had coaxed, once again her loving father.  He rested his good hand on her head.  "Would you do Papa a favor and not tell anyone about this?"

            Nadia hadn't wanted to make her father upset, so she agreed with a hasty nod.  Maybe _not_ telling the truth wasn't quite like lying.  After all, Papa had asked her to do it.

            She had been a little upset when Papa had not had Mommy bandage up the wound.  He had even worked hard not to show her his hand until it began to look halfway normal.  Kairi had seen it now—a few days ago—and Riku had brushed it off as a recent and "nothing" accident.

            Presently, the rain was getting a little worse.  Nadia stayed at the window long enough to make sure her Papa headed back inside and then closed up the shutters again and went down to see him, pretending she had only just woken up.

~*~

            Last night, the reason had returned.  The reason brought sadness and joy, and Riku felt horrible for his mixed feelings.

            First and foremost, Sora was his friend…

            Sora was also the savior of many worlds.  And, if he had succeeded in opening the Door to the Light, Sora was the reason for piece in all parts of the universe.  Sora had saved Riku's life and the lives of how many others?

            And yet…Riku had mixed feelings.

            The man slipped in the kitchen door, the back door, water pouring off his body.  He had left a towel on the counter and he used it now to dry himself and rub his hair.  He felt a little cold but didn't shiver.

            He mopped up the water that had dripped on the tile and then threw the soiled towel into the wicker laundry basket.  Then he slumped down on the stool by the fireplace and tried to warm up.

            "Papa?"

            It was Nadia.  Riku looked at her and then looked at the clock.  5:20.  He looked back at her.  "Isn't it a little early?"

            "You're up," she pointed out.  She came over and plopped down on the hearth next to him.  "Good morning, Papa."

            He just smiled at her.  "Papa forgot his manners.  Good morning to you, Nadia."

            She flashed him a smile, revealing a pair of missing teeth on the left side.  There was one big hole created by twin gaps on the top and bottom.  She poked a pink tongue through this chasm and giggled.

            Upon seeing his daughter, Riku felt a bit better.  He put his palms on his knees and pushed down, slowly coming to a stand.  "Go and brush those teeth of yours.  I'll get some breakfast."

            She nodded, giggled some more, and disappeared for the time being, the _click-clacking_ of her flip-flops echoing throughout the house.

            Riku watched after her, seeing the long sleeve of that grubby old shirt drag along the floor.  She was so terribly fond of it.

            It gave him…a warm feeling.

            Riku went about warming some oatmeal and cutting up fresh fruit, his hands performing the motions and his mind not there at all.

            He couldn't shrug the guilt.  It sat inside his heart and festered.  It was painful.

            _Sora's alive.  Sure, I'm glad for that.  He's back here—of course I'm glad for that!  And Kairi…is overjoyed to see him.  I should—I _am_ happy that she's so excited._

            But he couldn't lie to himself, not all the way.  The words rattled around between his ears, almost mocking.

           Besides, he should continue worrying for Sora.  That man was downright _scarred_ when you got right down to it.  Kairi had timidly asked him what happened, how in the world did he get back to the island…all of that.  And Sora had just squeezed his eyes shut and shaken his head.

           Scarred.

            Riku was scarred too.  He had lived, for a time, in the darkness.  Behind the Door.  For two years he had battled, trying to find a way out.  The last part was a blur to him too…  How he got back.

            Did it matter how?

            The important thing was that Riku _had_ come back.  Two years after he left, in fact.  Eight years before Sora.  The two friends, once enemies, were alive and safe and they could put all that business about destiny behind them.

            But…now there were matters at hand that seemed more important than destiny.

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eek, the chapters are remaining short.  (can't be helped with the school year ending and all that _work work work_!  only a month or so to go!)  but the author *might* have a plan for riku…  hmm, she really is a horrible person…!


	4. Disturbances

            Kairi awoke suddenly, shaking herself from a nightmare.

            _Only a dream…_

            Wait.  Exactly how much of yesterday had been a dream?

            She scrambled out of her bed and ran for the room next door.

            He was there.

            Sora was here in her house, safe and sound.  Sora _lived_.

            Kairi settled herself against the wall, relieved.  From where she stood, she could see his chest rising and falling gently.  Sound asleep he was.

            She went to his side and sat on the stool by the bed.  She had sat here last night until three in the morning.  She was worried for him.  He'd seemed all fuzzy and upset.

            What had happened during the last ten years?

            He had grown, for one thing.  Sora was a lot taller—not as tall as Riku, but tall enough.  He was by no means as scrawny as he had been as a child.  His hands were thick and calloused, his limbs refined.  His hair had gotten long and scraggly, tangled all the way down to his shoulders.

            Riku had helped Sora clean up last night.  The hair was still too long and droopy to make Sora look like Sora.  But a little scissor artistry and some hair gel could surely fix that, couldn't it?

            The question dared to linger in Kairi's mind.  How different was Sora on the inside?

            _He's here with you, Kairi.  That's the important thing._

            She came back with, _But last night he didn't seem like himself at all.  He couldn't answer any questions…  I don't know what's happened to him.  Is he all right?  Is he…is he still Sora?_

            Kairi was about to sigh at herself when she noticed Sora looking at her.

            She jumped, tumbling to the floor as the stool rolled to the side.

            "When did you wake up?" she asked, trying to laugh at herself while averting her eyes.  She righted the stool and cautiously remounted.

            Sora blinked, a bit sleepily.  "Oh…that's right."

            Was he even in the same world?

            He must have noticed the way her eyes danced around with apprehension, because then Sora sat up a little and smiled.  "I just got up a second ago.  I was a little mixed up.  I had to remind myself where I was.  Are you okay?"

            Kairi nodded.  She really liked that big grin of his.  She couldn't help but giggle, and this she did behind her hand politely.

            Sora touched the top of his head and felt down one of the long knotted strands of brown hair.  "What a mess, huh?"

            She nodded.  "We can fix it."

            Thunder shook the room.

            "It's raining?"

            Kairi looked at him oddly.  "It's been storming since yesterday…when I found you."

            "Oh…right.  I don't really remember it too well."  He scratched the back of his head.  That big old grin…

            It was a lie, wasn't it?

            "Kairi—hey, Kairi?  Why are you crying?"

            She realized that the tears were coming, as they had come a hundred times before, round streams that formed a glistening net down her cheeks.  She couldn't stop them, as she couldn't stop them a hundred times before.  She coughed into her hands in a futile attempt to hide her face.

            "Kairi…"  He held her wrist.  His grip was hard.  It hurt a little and she recoiled.

            "Sorry," he said immediately.  He loosened his fingers, but they still lingered against her bare skin.  "Tell me…what is it?  What did I do?"

            Kairi lifted her gaze a few inches.  Through the blur of tears she could make out his expression.  She only cried harder.  "Your smile…it's a lie."

~*~

            Kairi fell into his arms, her tears moistening his chest.  Sora placed his hands against her back, holding her close to him.

            He cursed his mind for being fraught with nightmares.  He tried to remember the things he was supposed to and forget the things that kept him up at night.  All of it was so blurry.  His consciousness wove back and forth between past and present.

            Was he insane?

            _Oh, God.  What if none of this is happening?  What if I'm hallucinating…again?_

            He held the woman close, his face near her neck.  He dove his nose into her hair.

            _This smell…  This is Kairi.  Kairi always smelled like this…_

            She smelled sweet, like a flower.  She smelled salty, like the ocean breeze.  She smelled good…like fresh-made bread.  It was so many sensations all at once.  Sora tightened his grip, wrapping his arms so far around her that his fingers reached his own sides again.

            There was one thing about a smell.  It couldn't be a dream.

            _Kairi.  Kairi.  Kairi._

            He held her close.  At that moment he thought only of her, only of the fact that he was _home_ and she was in his arms.  Nothing else mattered to him then.

            Kairi pulled away from him after a few of these heavenly moments.  She held her face very close next to his and stared right into his eyes.  It felt like she was piercing into his soul at that moment, and Sora felt a little scared.

            Dried tears crisscrossed her cheeks.  Her lips were held straight.  Her eyes seemed enormous, huge and pure and maybe…maybe a little scared, too.

            "Sora…is it you?"

            "Of course it's me."

            They spoke in whispers, as if any sound too big would ruin everything.

            "Are you the same Sora?"

            "…I'm not sure."

            "Do you remember me?"

            "Yes."

            "Will you stay with me?"

            He nodded.

            She slid onto the bed beside him.  They both lay down on their sides, facing the door.  Kairi leaned up against Sora and Sora slipped one arm around Kairi's waist, holding her very close.  Kairi closed her eyes and slept.

            When the clock downstairs announced the arrival of eight o'clock, Kairi reluctantly rose from the bed and shook Sora awake.

            "I'm going to go downstairs and see how Nadia is doing," she told him.  "I'll bring you breakfast in a bit."

            Sora realized he had only just fallen asleep.  He had listened for hours to the sound of her breathing, had run his hand from her shoulder to her hip and then back up again, his fingers barely touching her.  Her skin was very smooth beneath the calloused tissue of his fingertips, as well as warm.

            He watched as Kairi left, the end of her robe dragging along the floor.  Her hair was a little curly in the moist air, and it bobbed nicely when she snuck in a little smile at him on the way out.

            Sora sat up, swinging his legs over and setting his feet firmly on the floor.  His legs were long and muscular.  No more knobby knees for him, no more oversized shoes.  He pushed knotted hair from his face and stood.

            The man walked across the room.  Near the door was a full-length mirror, a little grimy from disuse.  In fact, everything was a little dusty.  Must have been a spare room.

            Sora touched a few fingers to his tongue.  He rubbed an oval clean and squinted at his face's reflection in the dimness before wiping his hand on his pants.  In his mind, he was interrogating himself.

            _Who are you?_

            "I'm me.  I'm Sora."

            _Are you sure?_

            "Y-Yes."

            _But you're not who you were before, are you?_

            "Everybody changes."

            _You know things can't go back to the way they were before._

            "I know."

            "What's the scowl for?" teased a new voice.

            Sora wasn't used to someone interfering with his internal struggle.  He assumed a battle ready position, swirling his leg back and bending it at the knee.  His empty hands formed fists in the air, ready to strike.

            "Some reflexes you've got there," said the same, cool voice.

            "Riku..."

            "I'm not going to attack you.  Kairi told me you needed a haircut."  Riku emerged from the doorway, gesturing with a pair of scissors.  He inspected Sora carefully.  "You _do_ look like you took a lightning bolt to the head."

            Sora straightened, trying to keep his cool in the face of Riku's harsh smirk.  He really couldn't remember all that was said last night; his head felt sore and fuzzy.  Still…he distinctly remembered a certain dejected look in Riku's eyes.  A look that was absent now.

            "C'mon and sit," Riku ordered, pulling the stool in front of the mirror.  Riku found a cloth in the bottom drawer of the desk and washed the dirty glass.

            Sora sat while the other man was still cleaning.

            Riku came up from behind, the slender silver blades gleaming in his hand.  "What do you want?"

            "I…"  His heart came to his throat.  _What do I want?  I want Kairi, and I want to know what happened between her and Riku.  Who is that little girl?  Ach, God, I can't remember._

            "Earth to Sora!  Your _hair_?"

            Sora started.  "Oh, right, right.  Um…  A little long, you know…"  He began describing the style he wanted, stumbling a lot in his delivery.  He didn't want to be a spiky-headed Sora anymore, didn't want to be the kid with the big shoes and the knobby knees.  He _had_ saved the world, after all…or something.

            Riku begin to snip rhythmically, interjecting comments like, "Have you ever cut it in _ten_ years?"  Sora was mostly silent, trying for a bit of nervous laughter here and there.  He never thought Riku would hurt him, but what worried Sora was that Riku would have motivations for hurting him.

            "Is it done?" Sora asked finally when the _snip snip_'s died away.

            "Yeah, you can't tell though.  Lemme get a brush—wherever Kairi keeps those things."  Riku left, the scissor handles still looped around his fingers.

            Sora had noticed how Riku's hair was kept very short now.  Probably the silver-blue locks got too hard to handle, or something.  Riku just seemed so…grown up.

            _Damn it_, Sora thought.  _I can't keep comparing things to the past…_

            "Got it!" huffed Riku, out of breath after his footsteps thundered on the stairway.  He held a large comb in his hand, a tool that looked to be carved from a shell.  Riku dragged the hard teeth through Sora's hair, freeing up a few last stubborn knots.  He then used a bit of string to tie up the inches of excess in the back, which fringed out.

            "Satisfied?" Riku asked.

            Sora stared down his mirror image.  He saw himself a new man.  A few curved bangs hung over his forehead, the tips daring to fall into his eyes.  The rest was pulled back into a loose ponytail that scraped the nape of his neck when he moved.

            "You don't even look like you anymore," Riku mumbled, amused, as he picked up some scraps of knotted brown hair from the floor.

            Sora stood and examined himself in the mirror.  He realized then that his old clothes, the ones full of holes that he had long ago outgrown, had been replaced by a plain white t-shirt and loose-fitting black-brown pants.  "These clothes belong to you?"

            "Yeah, but I never used them," Riku replied.  "I can't believe you were still wearing your old red pants when Kairi found you."

            Sora turned his side to the mirror, still amazed at the transformation.  He had only seen his reflection a few times in the last ten years, when he had stumbled upon a river or lake in the daytime.

            _No…don't think about the past._

            His thoughts began to whir.  He was transported back to a battle near a body of water.  He had just been trying to drink and the monsters had snuck up on him and—

            "Hey.  _Hey_."

            Riku's hand was gripping Sora's shoulder.

            "You okay?"

            "Y-Yeah…  I just spaced out."

            Riku's features were pinched slightly with concern.

            Sora fumbled with his tongue inside his mouth, trying to think of a subject they could switch to.  "Hey, you're pretty good at cutting hair."

            "I cut Nadia's hair all the time.  She likes it a little short, but it grows pretty fast."

            "Nadia is…the little girl…"

            "My daughter," Riku said.

            "Right…"  Sora backed up to sit on the bed.  He held his bare hands in front of him, had his elbows rest on his knees.  "Your daughter…"  He was slumped over, thinking.  "And Kairi's?"

            "_Look_."  Riku's word was a firm command.

            Sora jerked his head up.

            Riku's eyes were hard, buried beneath a frozen face.  "Look here, Sora.  Any relationship Kairi and I had…ended six years ago.  She's all yours."

            He left for the door.

            "Riku—"

            Riku paused, his back toward Sora.  His voice was breaking.  "But Nadia is still mine…"

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Wau, actually got in over 2,000 words this time.  Amazing.  I really deserved it after spending **5+** hours on my _Hot Zone_ project.  Did you think this chapter was a little depressing?  Try spending half your day thinking about people dying of Ebola.  Yeah.  Kingdom Hearts characters being moody doesn't seem half bad, does it?  Anyway, I'm starting to feel more serious about this story…so look out for a lot more people feeling sorry for themselves and all that.  Oh, and I'll be gone Wednesday—Sunday next week for the Science Olympiad national competition, so y'all probably won't hear from me until after that.  I get to go to…Ohio.  Ooh…exciting.


	5. Memories

            Kairi slipped the slim silver frames over her nose.  Glasses.  Ugh.  Why did she have to have reading glasses?

            "What story are we going to read today, Mommy?" Nadia asked impatiently.

            "I don't know.  You pick one out, honey," her mother replied, lazily scanning the bookshelf.  Each book she had near half-memorized after reading it so many times.  Nadia loved a good story.

            Nadia began to hum happily as she brought her thick child's fingers back and forth across the rows.  Kairi, meanwhile, stole a quick look at herself in the study's mirror.

            _I look so _old_ in these things.  Why did my near sight have to go bad?  I'm barely twenty-four for crying out loud…_

            "This one, Mommy?"

            "Didn't we read that one two nights ago?"

            "Oh.  Right…"

            Kairi secretly turned back to the glass.  Why was it always mirrors, anyway?  Looking at yourself…did that mean you were vain?  Or, instead…unsure of what you really were?

            _I don't like how I look right now.  I look…like a grandma._

            Kairi was usually pretty calm about her looks.  She didn't dress too fancy or too casual.  She had her hair brushed straight and her face clean, but didn't bother with any makeup—except lipstick on special occasions.  Today, for instance.  Sora was home today.  She was wearing lipstick today.

            _And grandma glasses_, she added, feeling old.

            "This one, Mommy?"

            "Wow, we haven't looked at that one in a while.  C'mon, let's get started."

            Nadia clutched the book to her chest, her eyes turning into little crescents and her mouth opening up into a grin.  She jumped up and down before skipping to the big rocking chair in the corner.  It sat under a lamp, which Kairi lit.

            "Want to start from the beginning?"

            "Mm-hmm!"  Nadia climbed into her mother's lap.

            It was the afternoon of the same day, the day after Sora came home.  The storm was still raging outside (hence the lamp).  Kairi was very much looking forward to the next sunny day, when Nadia and all her pent-up energy could be released into the open.  She was also getting tired of coming up with absurdly bland topics to talk about with Sora and Riku, since the real matters at hand couldn't (and wouldn't) be discussed.

            Sora's eyes always followed Nadia curiously, and Riku's always stayed on the floor.  Kairi just couldn't mention how bad the storm was or what did everyone think of breakfast or anything like that one more time without going insane.

            No matter.  After lunch, the adults had gone their separate ways.  Sora, novel haircut and all, was still tired from his ordeal and was back in bed.  Riku had clutched his head in pain and retired, claiming it was "nothing really."

            _I'll look in on him later, _Kairi promised herself.

            With the two men in their rooms, Kairi was left to take care of Nadia.

            "Mommy, are you ready?"

            "Oh, right.  Sorry."  Kairi cleared her throat before opening the heavy book to the title page.

            "_The Prince and the Three Foxes…_"

            "Very good, Nadia," Kairi said.  "Your reading gets better every day."

            The girl smiled her crescent-eyed smile.  "I can't read as good as you, Mommy."

            "As _well_.  But thank you."

            "As well."

            "Okay.  Here we go."  Kairi turned the page.  "'_There once lived three fox brothers, all clever and all mischievous.  The older brother was tired of living in the dirty fox hole, so he devised a plan that would let his family live in the Royal Palace…_'"

            "Nadia?  Nadia, are you awake?"

            Kairi shook her daughter gently.  Fast asleep.  She slipped her silver glasses down her nose and looked at the big oak grandfather clock.  It was half past four.  She had been reading for over three hours.

            The woman flipped back through the pages.  She could remember Nadia getting excited when the foxes locked the prince in the dungeon, but no reactions after that.  Kairi stuck a marker at that page, page 207, and shut the book.  She would have to re-read the ending aloud later for Nadia's benefit.

            Kairi managed to lift the child up and place her back in the chair, as she had done many times, without netting a peep from the girl.  "Finish your nap, darling," she whispered, touching her painted lips to Nadia's cheek.

            The house was eerily quiet.  The rain splashed into the sea outside, but the sound was muted.  She heard a sudden thumping upstairs and hurried to see what it was.

            She came to the door of Riku's room.  The door was slightly ajar, but the woman hesitated.  She had not been inside for…six years.  That long?  It seemed like only yesterday they were still sharing a room…

            The thumping came again and Kairi pushed in, forgetting her fears.  She was startled by what she saw:  Riku crouched on the floor by the bed, gripping his head with both hands.  She could not see his face, but heard small murmurs—whimpers, even.

            "Riku?  Riku?"  She was kneeling beside him, her fingers pressed lightly against his back.

            He was breathing a little hard.  He took his forehead and pounded it against the bare floor.  Kairi realized what the _thump thump_ was now.

            "Riku—!"  She grabbed at him, throwing both arms around his shoulders, and tried to pull him back.

            "What's the matter?  Riku, let me help you…"

            "I'm fine," he groaned.

            "You are not," she said in her most angry motherly tone.  "Don't lie to me."

            "I just have a bad headache…okay?  Okay?  Leave me alone."

            "Do you want a glass of water?"

            "Okay, sounds…great…"  This he said between small groans of pain, which he tried to hide by smothering his face in his hands.

            "I'll be right back," she told him, standing straight up and hurrying from the room.  She went to their water barrel, which was running rather low.  _Damn.  If the storm keeps up, we'll have to use the rainwater…_  Kairi didn't like to use anything but well water if she didn't have to.  There was a large reservoir of fresh water beneath the island and she knew it to be the purest water in all the worlds.

            Still, she filled a glass of the precious commodity for Riku and ran it up for him.

            "It's nice and cold," she promised.  "Have a sip."

            "I'll have it in a minute…  Thanks."  He was still curled up in a fetal position, still pulling at his hair like he was trying to drag out some monster inside his head.

            Kairi ran her hand along his arm, trying to be comforting.  "Riku…  You'll be fine."

            "Yeah, I know," he breathed into his shirt (he was so crunched up on himself).

            Kairi swiveled away from him a little, swinging out her knees so she wouldn't crowd him so much.  She knew all about Riku's pride, and having someone see him like this was probably humiliating for him.  Still…  Didn't he understand she could help?

            "Could you…shut the blinds?  Close the…door?"

            "You want it to be dark?"

            "…Yeah…"

            Kairi did as she asked and then insisted he sit up on the bed and have the water.  He was reluctant, but finally obeyed.  She sat next to him and didn't comment about how his face was all red and sweaty and still crunched up from cries of anguish.

            "I feel a little better," he said more calmly, not gasping between every two or three words anymore.

            Kairi smiled.  "I'm glad."

~*~

            "Is this the first time you've had a headache like this?"

            Riku lied and said, "Yeah."

            Kairi just studied his face, with concern written all over her own.  He felt good to have her warmth so near, but humiliated to have shown her this side of himself he was trying to keep secret.

            They were just…headaches.

            It was very dark in the room with the windows and door sealed.  Riku still had his eyes squinted slightly (he would have helped this if at all possible), so it was difficult for him to see.

            Sitting here in his room with Kairi next to him…  It used to happen all the time…

_            "Riku!  Riku, where are you?"  The girl's voice was filled with laughter as it echoed through the big empty house, the recently vacant house they had taken over together._

_            "What is it?"  He looked up from his textbooks, ones he studied for fun since there was no organized education on a rural island, and eagerly awaited her arrival._

            She rushed in the room, smiling her coy smile.  "I'm glad I found you."

_            "Really?"  He set the textbooks aside._

_            "I have something to give you…"  She was so smart and smooth for a seventeen-year old, so crisp and beautiful…  He could have looked at her forever._

_            "What is it?"_

_            She sat down on the bed directly beside him.  "Close your eyes."_

_            He obeyed, grinning.  He only smiled wider when he felt the warm, wet touch of her lips on his own.  He kissed her back and heard her squeal happily.  Her arms looped around his neck and they kissed for a long time._

_            When they had shared each other's breath long enough, they lay back on the bed together.  Kairi leaned her back against his chest and grasped his hands over her belly.  "I feel so safe when I'm with you," she whispered._

_            "You aren't scared about the baby anymore?"_

_            Kairi shook her head and looked into his eyes.  "As long as you're with me, I know everything will be all right."_

_            "Don't worry, Kairi.  I'll always be here to take care of you."_

_            Riku made a promise to himself, then and there, that he would protect Kairi until the end of his days.  She meant more to him than anything in the world._

            "So…how is it?"  Kairi's words brought him fuzzily back, soaring seven years forward.  The present.

            "How is what?"

            "The headache?"

            "Oh, right.  It's getting a lot better."

            "Want some more water?  Or something to eat?"

            "I'm good.  Thanks though."

            Kairi touched his arm gently.  "I'm glad.  I was really worried."

            He thought a little white lie wasn't so bad, not if it made her look so relieved.  The pain _was_ ebbing…  Just not "a lot."  _Any lie is worth that smile_, he thought.

            Kairi took her hand away and stood.  She was a good two feet from him now.  She wasn't close to him anymore.  She wasn't at his side anymore.

            "Hey, I see you're actually wearing your glasses," Riku said with a soft chuckle.

            Kairi's eyes grew wide and she snatched the silver frames from her face.

            "You're so sensitive about them.  Why?"

            "Every girl has her sore spot," Kairi replied indignantly, stuffing the reading glasses into a pocket on the front of her skirt.  "And I have mine."

            Riku withheld the comments about how she looked cute, or about she was even more adorable now, standing there fussing about glasses.  Kairi usually didn't care about her appearance so much (not that she had to).  This little 'flaw' of hers was…sweet.

            But he didn't tell her.

            "Nadia fell asleep when I was reading to her," Kairi was explaining.  "I have to go wake her up and make dinner."

            "Okay," Riku said, leaning back onto the bed.  "I think I'll rest a bit more in the dark, if that's okay."

            "Of course it is.  Just concentrate on feeling better."  She grabbed a quilt from the edge of the bed and pulled it over his legs.

            Riku sat there and enjoyed her motherly affection, trying to forget it was habit for Kairi now.  There was no genuine romantic love behind her actions anymore, not toward him anyway.

            "This storm," sighed Kairi on her way out.  "Just makes everyone sleepy!"  She slipped out into the hall and closed the door.

            Riku smiled, thinking of Kairi for a few more moments.  Then he curled back up into a ball and clutched his head, whimpering in pain.  It was all right, though.  It was only nothing.

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I'm a liar.  The worst liar in the world.  I said I wouldn't be back until next week, but here I am.  I was supposed to be doing a composition on _A Tale of Two Cities_ and plenty of other work I'll be missing, but I did this instead.  I couldn't help it.  I feel miserable and all dizzy-like with some stupid virus and I can't concentrate on anything but this story.  I'm such a miserable liar.  _  Anyway, I made 2,000 words exactly (which I usually aim for for good chapter length, not too long or short).   Pretty cool, huh?  Yeah, this story is not going happy places, if you couldn't tell.  I'm not the most elusive foreshadower in the world.  I think all the sad stuff can be blamed on my almost exclusively listening to Gackt for the past few days.  His music is pretty depressing…  I'll probably be including one of his songs in the final chapter, so look out.  Beth+Gackt lyrics=double trouble, boys and girls.  Jaa.


	6. Conversations

            The sun finally broke through the clouds the following morning.  Just like that, the grayness disappeared and was replaced by the pure blue sky and shining yellow sun.

            Just like that.

            "No more thunder…no more rain!" sang Nadia, skipping in circles around her mother as they stood by the open front door.  "No more scary sky-ay-ay!"

            Kairi fuzzed her daughter's red pigtails affectionately.  "That's right."  She exhaled deeply.  _At last.  I couldn't have stood being cooped up in this house much longer!_

            "What are we going to do today, Mommy?"

            She thought for a moment.  "Mommy has a lot of chores, Nadia.  I need to wash the clothes, and gather more firewood…"  She realized she had a million things to get to, and held her face in one hand.

            "Can't we _play_, Mommy?" Nadia insisted, grimacing at the list of work.

            "Maybe…  For a bit."  She turned her head and called up the stairs.  "Riku!  Sora!  Are you two coming down?"

            "I want to play with Mommy and Papa," Nadia said firmly, crossing her arms over her chest and writing a big frown over her small face.

            "Can't we all play, honey?"

            Riku appeared at the bottom of the stairs, and the girl lost interest in anything further her mother had to say.  "Papa!" cried Nadia happily, and ran to grab his hand.

            Kairi watched them, noting with some concern the blue-black circles shadowing Riku's eyes.  His hair was wet but uncombed, and his clothes hung limply to a slightly folded form.  He really wasn't feeling very well this morning, was he?

            The woman put her hand on Nadia's shoulder.  "Nadia, honey, maybe you should leave Papa alone today.  He looks a little sick."

            Nadia turned wobbly blue eyes to her father's face.  "Oh, Papa, you can't play today?"

            Riku smiled and touched his daughter's cheek.  "Of course I can play.  Would you like to go to the waterfall today?  Or climb the tower?"

            "Oh, yes, yes!"  Nadia began to jump up and down.  "I get to play with Papa and Mommy!"

            Kairi shot a look of disapproval Riku's way, but he just smiled at her sheepishly.

            _He'd never say a word that would make Nadia unhappy, would he?  Not if he could help it._

            "Did someone mention something about playtime?"  It was Sora, bouncing down the stairs.  He looked perky and refreshed.

            "Good morning, Sora, how are you feeling?" Kairi asked, blushing a little when she was the first thing Sora set eyes on.  She pushed a lock of hair behind her ear and beamed at him.

            "I feel great.  I slept well without all the thunder," Sora said.  He stood right behind Riku now.

            Nadia took her father's hand and began pulling him towards the door.  "Let's go play!"

            "It's seven in the morning, sweetheart.  Maybe we should eat breakfast first," Kairi said calmly.

            "Hey, no problem.  Let's just grab some fruit on the way and eat at the beach."  Sora was grinning widely.

            _I guess this sunny weather really helps everyone's mood,_ Kairi thought as she nodded at the man.

            Kairi grabbed hats for herself and Nadia, a blanket for sitting on, and a basket for the breakfast they would gather.  The quartet set off.  They went around the beach without encountering anyone else.  Apparently, everyone was still holed up in his house.

            "Guess we have the island to ourselves," Kairi said, making conversation as she pulled one of the wide-brimmed hats over Nadia's head.

            "Why do I have to wear it?"

            Kairi bunched her ponytail under her own straw hat and stared Nadia down her mother's nose.  "I don't want you to get sunburned."

            Nadia held up a tanned wrist as evidence.  "Nobody here gets burned!"

            "The hat makes you look cute," Sora tried.

            Nadia glared at him.

            "He's right," Riku told her.

            Nadia burst into giggles.

            Kairi was worried about Sora's reaction, but the man appeared to shrug it off.

            _Why is Nadia acting mean toward Sora?  I guess she's just not used to being around strangers._  Kairi sighed.  _She's too young to understand any of this.  She thinks Sora just washed up on the beach two days ago, and that's the end of that._

            "I'll go grab us some breakfast," Sora said when they came to the grove of coconut and fruit trees.

            "I'll help you," Kairi said, handing off the blanket to Riku.

            Riku got the message and walked with Nadia out of sight.

            Kairi went to Sora's side and took his hand, leaning her face against his shoulder.  He stopped for a moment before clasping her fingers in his own.

            "Sora," she whispered.  "I missed you."

            "I missed you, too."  He put his palm against her cheek and turned her face toward him.  "You can't _begin_ to imagine…"

            "I thought you were dead," she said, her voice trembling.

            "I thought so, too."

            Kairi didn't understand, didn't want to think about him feeling dead on the inside.  In a moment she was crying and he was using his finger to extinguish the gathering tears.

           "I couldn't forget you, Kairi…"  He tensed and grabbed her very close to him, almost suffocating the woman.  She gasped from surprise and then for breath, but didn't really mind at all.  The embrace really made her feel like he needed her.

            He released the woman, a little hesitantly.  They walked a little, hand in hand.  Kairi stood against the stone and Sora went about shimmying up trees for the treasures they bore.  Then the woman looped the basket around her elbow and began to climb on the flat-topped trees.

            "What are you doing?" Sora asked, watching her hop from treetop to treetop.

            "We used to do this all the time, don't you remember?"  Kairi was a little out of breath.  It had been a while since she'd done this last.  Finally, she reached the golden star and the rock ledge under it.  She sat and looked down at him.

            He was under her, underneath the swirling of her long skirt and her swinging bare feet.  He reached up and touched the arch of one.

            "What are you doing?" she laughed, feigning anger.  "You pervert."

            "I'm no pervert," he said indignantly.  He ran around the coconut trunks and leapt from tree to tree until he was next to her.

            "You're fast," Kairi said, a little surprised by the power in his legs.

            Sora just smiled and soon he had her standing up and had his arms collapsed around her waist.

            "Being up here," Kairi said softly from his chest.  "It's like when we were kids."

            Sora moved his arms a little, as if to draw attention to them.  "We never did stuff like _this_ when we were kids, though."

            She looked up at him with a tilted head.  "Don't you remember…at Hollow Bastion?  When you turned back into a human?"

            "That was the first time we ever hugged, though," he pointed out.  Sora's eyes scanned her face carefully, as if he was reading back into the past.  "That's when you saved me from the darkness.  That's when I really realized that I was in love with you."

            Kairi blushed a little.  Then she grinned and teased him, saying, "It took you _that_ long to figure it out?"

            Sora released her from his arms then, and his happy expression melted, revealing a hint of skepticism.

            "Hmm?  What's the matter?"

            The man, seemingly for lack of anything better to do, touched his ponytail.  "I'm just a little worried.  Your little Nadia doesn't seem to like you very much."

            Kairi hid her own doubts.  "She's not used to strangers.  Give her a little time to adjust, huh?"

            "I guess so…"

            "Hey, don't you remember how small your world was when you were seven?"

            "Seven…so that's how old she is."

            "Hmm?  Why?"

            "Eh, nothing.  Riku told me something about your guys' relationship ending six years ago.  How long did it last?"

            Kairi's eyes widened and her pulse quickened a little.  At that moment, she realized that the air was filling with moisture as all that rain started to evaporate.  The humidity was rising, and it made this even more unpleasant.  It was wet all around her, but her lips felt dry and she licked them nervously.

            "Kairi?"

            _Oh, God, don't get impatient with me,_ she begged.  She didn't think she could stand Sora getting frustrated with her.  _C'mon, Kairi.  He just wants to know the truth.  You can tell him…_

            "Yes, it ended six years ago.  We were…together for a year and half, maybe."  She thought back, the echoes of the past, both pleasant and not.  "Riku returned two years after I did."

            "Eight years ago, then."

            "Yes, eight years ago," she said a little impatiently.

            "I'm just trying to get this straight, okay?"

            _Does he want me to tell him everything?  Sora, what is this?_

            Kairi walked to the ledge and looked out at the sea.  The waves looked peaceful now.  They certainly had changed in nature since last night.  "Sora, you have _got_ to believe this…I certainly don't have any romantic interest in Riku."

            "You did at one time," Sora said.  "You two live together even today."

            "Sora—"  She whirled around, expecting to see his face sad with concern.

            The features were set as hard as steel.

            Kairi backed up a little, her foot slipping on the rock.  She recovered and Sora had made no move to catch her.

            "Sora, I was just lonely!  You don't know how sad I was back then!  I missed you two every day—especially you, Sora!"

            "But you were fine when Riku came back?"

            Kairi gulped.  She didn't like that cold steel look of his face at all.  "I was weak, Sora.  He was there to take care of me."

            "I understand…"  Sora turned so the side of his face was toward her.  "Did you love him…?"

            She was panicking.  She felt like she was inside a typhoon and being pushed this way and that by an angry sea.  What was this interrogation?  "Oh, Sora, not in the way I love you.  I thought I loved him but I guess I was wrong—"

            "You had a child with him, didn't you?"

            "Is that what this is about?  Nadia?"

            "I have nothing against the girl, Kairi."  Sora took a deep breath with closed eyes.  "But you _did_ make love to Riku, didn't you?"

            "I told you—I was lonely!"  She felt like she wanted to cry, but she was too upset to do that.  The emotions swirled up inside.  This was a typhoon, all right.  "Sora, it was all over when I realized I couldn't forget you.  Can't you see that?"

            He wasn't saying anything and it scared her.  How could she convince him of her true feelings?

            "Sora, can't you see?  The only one I love is you!  Riku means nothing to me!"

            She was screaming by now.  She started to cry and finally he held her.  They both trembled, both a little scared of what all this meant.  Perhaps they would have been more upset knowing that the man they had been so violently discussing was right below them, knowing that that man had heard every word.

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I did it again.  Same as yesterday…  No concentration for things except those involving doing horrible things to do to my beloved Riku.  X_X  …I was actually planning this little conversation since the very beginning, though.  Oh, and I'd like to just give a quick thanks to all my readers and reviewers before I pack for my trip.   Y'all are very talented when it comes to looking at a nonexistent piece of cyberspace.  Catch you later.


	7. Sorrows

            "Where is he?"

            "Where's who, honey?"

            Nadia looked up at her mother with suspicion written all over her childish features.  Her big eyes were narrowed, her mouth zipped shut, her forehead crinkled.  "_Him_."

            "Sora?  He went to go visit his parents, honey."

            "Oh, really?" Riku asked, entering the kitchen.  He had donned only a bathrobe, but that was secured tightly around his middle.  His silver hair went uncombed and his blistered feet went bare.  Water ran between the hairs of his legs in little rivulets to the wooden floor.

            Kairi ignored his disheveled appearance for the time being.  "Yes.  I told him they'd moved to the main island and he wanted to go see them.  He'll be gone a week or two.  Tidus took him."

            She might have been mistaken, but Kairi thought she saw a momentary wave of relief wash over Riku's face.  She shrugged it off.  She had her own feelings to worry about.

            Sora had left barely an hour ago and already she was missing him.  Still, maybe they needed a little time apart after that argument two days ago.  She hadn't begun to process all that was said, had tried to ignore the matter as completely as possible.

            _If he can't believe that I love him…  Oh, God, I'll just die!_

            Nadia was smiling now and skipping around the kitchen.  Riku was slumped at the table.

            The clock in the study struck eight.

            Kairi sighed and held her forehead with one palm.  Her first day without Sora had begun.

~*~

            The clear blue water of the open sea ran over his wrist.  His arm cut through the water, hanging over the side of a sleek rowboat.

            "So, how've you been?" Tidus asked from the middle of the boat, where he gripped the twin oars with trained hands.

            Sora lifted his gaze from the crystal surface.  The sun was rising in the sky and the higher it got the more it beat down on him.  He was getting impatient to tan after the sunburns he had suffered through.  Yuck.  The skin on his arm was peeling.

            "Hello?"

            "Oh, yeah, sorry.  I…  I'm just glad to be home," Sora said, avoiding the question as best he could.  He didn't want to think about the past ten years ever again.

            "We're all really glad," Tidus said.  He pushed forward and the oars dipped into the water before jabbing through it.  The boat moved steadily forward, slipping across the quiet morning sea.

            Sora adjusted his position, sitting in the front of the boat with his back nestled in the bow.  He stretched his legs along the sides and let his arms scrape the water.

            "Comfy?"

            "Yeah…"

            The man felt a little awkward.  He hadn't seen Tidus for ten years, and back then they hadn't been that close of friends.  Sure, they'd sparred plenty, but that was more or less it.  Now Tidus had a job; he took goods back and forth between the islands every week.  A salesman…

            _Everyone has changed so much…_

            "With your hair like that, you really don't look like Sora," Tidus was saying as he threw himself into another turn of the oars.

            "It's just hair," Sora replied, a little defensive.  "I'm still me."

            "Of course you are," the other man assured him, nodding.  His blond hair had been bleached white-yellow by the sun, and it shone fiercely in the early morning light.  His skin was very dark, a contrasting the brightness of his eyes and hair.

            "We were…together for a year and half, maybe…" 

            Sora slid his tongue over dried lips.  He had been reliving that morning since it happened.  Over and over, the images of her desperate face flashed through.  Thinking about Kairi in another man's arms…  Thinking about Kairi in _Riku's_ arms…

            _"I was lonely…"_

            "Something on your mind?" Tidus asked.

            "Yeah."  _Too much_, Sora added to himself.  _I either think about Kairi and Riku, or about…  About everything else.  God!  Dear God, why the hell did I have to go through this?  Why the hell did destiny choose me?  That damned King…  That damned Ansem…  Damn the Heartless and Maleficent and all the enemies that came after!_

            Sora didn't want to, but he closed his eyes and began to remember.

            "We have to go on."

            Donald looked up at Sora's face in disbelief, sputtering something incomprehensible.  He gestured at the body that lay behind them, the body draped in shadows.

            "I know, I know," Sora tried to say, looking down at his remaining partner.  Sometimes Sora couldn't believe the words coming out of his own mouth.  But three years of battling evil was more than enough to change any naïve island boy, wasn't it?

            He had a right to be so tough—didn't he?

            Damn it all!  _Donald wasn't moving_.  Sora screamed at him.  "We have to go now—or his sacrifice will be for nothing!"

            Donald yelped as the ground behind began to dissolve.  The Darkness was coming.

            Coming fast.

            "Either we run or we die.  Get going or we'll never finish this!"

            The duck's webbed foot pounded the ground and he crossed his arms.  "We can't leave Goofy!"

            Didn't Donald understand?  Goofy was gone.  He'd already played his part in this twisted game.

            Sora erupted.  His face grew hot as blood soared through is veins.  "You idiot," he growled.  "You'd better run with me or you'll die.  You'll die here like he did—but at least his death had a purpose!"

            There was a pause as eternal as death and as short as life.  The two looked at each other.  Then the shorter one took a deep breath.

            "Run ahead, Sora," Donald said very gently.  "It's all lost now.  I'd only slow you down."  He turned and began to walk.

            "No, hey, that's not what I meant!" Sora exclaimed, reaching out his hand.  Donald was going _toward the Darkness._  "Donald!  _Donald!_"

            Sora gasped as sunlight filled his eyes.

            "Hey, you okay?" Tidus was saying.  "You looked like you were in a trance or something."

            The brunette rubbed at his eyes, trying to get the stinging sensation to go away.  He realized he was sweating and could hear rapid _thump thump_s beating in his chest.  Please, not that day.  Not that day.

            _Oh, God, not that day when my Hell started.  When my seven years of fighting alone began.  Please, please.  Not that day, not that day, not that day, not that day…_

            "I guess I was just tired," Sora lied.  He could hear seagulls.  "Are we almost there?"

            "Yeah.  Just five more minutes.  The tide is kind right now…"  Tidus sounded a little distracted as he concentrated on beaching the boat, steering with and against the lapping waters.

            Sora took his hands from the water and shook them off.  He didn't feel nervous about seeing his parents.  Talking to them might be a distraction.  His past he wanted to forget.  Part of his present he wanted to forget.  Hopefully, this was the right place for him to run.

~*~

            Riku sat on the dock alone, the fishing pole resting in his loosely cupped hands.  The sun was going to bed, but the man wasn't ready to follow suit.  He sat alone and tried.  Tried not to think.

            _"Riku means nothing to me!"_

            The fishing line made small slices in the water, pulling right and left.  It looked like it was playing.

            "_I thought I loved him but I guess I was wrong…"_

            He shrugged the pole a little, making the bait dance beneath the surface.

            "I was just lonely!" 

            The fish weren't biting tonight.

            _"Riku…_

            He yanked the line from the sea, throwing the entire fishing pole back to the beach.

            _…means…_

            It bounced, clattering as its parts hit one another.

            _…nothing…_

            The side of the man's head began to pulse slightly and then steadily worsened.

            _…to me…"_

            His stomach rose in his throat and he vomited into the sea.

            _"I thought I loved him…"_

            Riku leaned back and let the sheer pain drag him into unconsciousness.

            _"…but I guess I was wrong…"_

            At last, a moment of rest.

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I apologize.  This chapter was _horribly_ short.  I'm a little ashamed to put it up, but I thought I'd throw _something_ out there after being away.

Hmm…you know what?  The more I write, the more I start to conclude that I'm really a messed up person on the inside.  I mean…I just do horrible things to characters I love half to death…  And no one is ever allowed to be happy!  Ah…  Poor me, being so crazy.  X_X  Oh well, you all had a warning.  The category for this one _is_ angst.  I'm gonna have to up the rating since I have some minor swearing.  I've never been really comfortable with swearing…but I figure I must put it in if it's appropriate.  My friend Sam just read _fatalis_—although he honest-to-goodness SHOULDN'Thave since he hasn't played KH yet!  I just lent it to him today!—and commented about my avoidance of "certain words" when they should have been there.  Boo.  Leave it to a guy, I tell you.  Not my fault I'm a proper young lad-ay.  Yeah, I know this is really unimportant, my grumbling and all.  _But_, while I'm at it, I'll inform everyone I'm going to fail my Advanced Algebra test on probabilities tomorrow because I just can't tell when to multiply and when to add and when to use combinations and when not and AHHH!  *yanks half her hair out*

*ahem*  One more note:  you can all thank Koorino Megumi for suggesting more on Sora's ugly past get put in there.  Oh, and it will.  Gonna fatten this baby out too.  Sora, join the club of sufferees.

¡Hasta luego!


	8. Questions

            The man had coffee-colored hair streaked with white.  He had a pair of gold-framed glasses dangling from a chain about his neck.  He had a white collared shirt with a faded blue sweater vest over it and dark slacks.

            "We thought you were dead," the man said.  Some of his white streaks fell across a forehead littered with wrinkles; others were pushed back over his ears with the rest of the thinning brown.  His eyes were set deep in his face.

            "So everyone keeps telling me," the man's son replied.

            A woman with sandy blond hair and fair blue eyes emerged.  She was wearing a nondescript dress with a white apron.  The years had been kinder to her than to her sixty-something husband, but she was still looking older.  She had worry lines carved into her brow, and a few crow's feet accenting tired eyes.

            In her hands was a pot of coffee, and this she proceeded to serve.

            Sora took up his mug and leaned back, respecting the silence.  There had been a lot of tears this morning when he first arrived.  Now he was to try to explain everything to his parents, two people who only had the slightest inkling of his adventures.

            "Get me my pipe, would you?" the father said, addressing his wife.

            The woman shot him a look of dismay, but he stared her down.

            "You know that stuff is no good for you," she snapped, but it was a halfhearted effort; he just glared and she relented and fetched the thing.

            "Since when did you start smoking again, Dad?" Sora asked.

            "Ten years ago," his mother interjected.  "And look what it's done to him."

            "I'm fine," the older man insisted, at the same time pounding his chest.

            "Damn it all," she whispered.  "Just listen to him cough!  You're killing yourself, old man."

            "Look here, woman.  It calms me."  He took a long draw of the pipe, and puffed smoke rings into the air.

            Sora frowned.  He'd never known his parents to bicker like this.  Not seriously.  They used to only tease each other.  Sora could remember his mother joking about his father eating too many desserts, or something silly as that.

            He studied his father carefully.  All Sora could think was, _He looks so…_old_.  I can't believe it.  Like he's seventy instead of sixty.  Damn, Mom's right about the pipe.  It's killing him._

            The woman turned her attentions back to her son.  "You all right, Sora?  Want me to fix you some lunch?"

            "Not yet.  Thanks though, Mom."  He gave her one of his big grins, the sort he had worn every day as a child.

            His mother seemed suddenly like she might crumble.  Tears shone in her eyes, and she embraced him tightly.

            "Welcome home, my son," she whispered.

            Sora wept.

            He was tired of fighting.  Tired of being alone.  But both were realities that seemed endless.  Cruel, but endless.

            Sora lay stretched his body across the cold, wet stone.  He had recently defeated the last of the Heartless in this realm, recently sealed the world with his Keyblade.  He no longer felt any accomplishment from this.  It wasn't anything new.  How many years had he been "adventuring?"  How many worlds had he sealed?  How many Heartless had he slain?

            A strange sort of grin proceeded to settle on Sora's face, and he laughed, out loud, in the darkness.  The bitter sound echoed through the hollow cave.

            A final question had risen in his mind then, and the thought had indeed pushed him to the brink of madness.

            _How many days have I spent alone?_

            There were so many things of which he had lost track.  He was sure the numbers were right up there with infinity.

            But there was one count he knew all too well.

            _How many tears have been shed for my lost friends?_

            Zero.

            Sora sighed, let the water from the stalactites drip down his face, let this replace the tears that should have but refused to come.

            There are many horrible feelings in the world, Sora concluded.  Many of which he had firsthand experience.  But perhaps the one that brought about the most guilt, the most internal torment…

            The want of tears but the lack thereof.  The conscious knowledge that something within the heart is freezing…but possessing no means to stop it.

            He knew there was one person in the universe that could melt his heart no matter what.  But would he ever see her again?

            Doubtful.

~*~

            The house was empty that evening, that time when twilight settled upon it.  There was no one to cook dinner for tonight.  No one to read to.  No one to talk with while sipping tea.

            Sora was spending his third night with his parents.  Nadia was staying over at a friend's.  And Riku…  Riku had been gone all day.

            Kairi sat in the living room, holding a glass of room temperature water that had, at one time, been ice cold.  The sun was all but gone, yet the lanterns swung unlit.  The windows were open and the cool evening breeze dove in and out of them, sometimes stopping to play with the woman's hair.

            It was so…_quiet_.

            She wanted to hold her ears and block it out.  She wasn't used to being alone.  There hadn't been a night in a long time when she had had time and no one to spend it with.

            Kairi was always around people.  She was always talking to Selphie or watching over Nadia or doing _something_ with _someone_.

            Now she felt…empty_._

            And she didn't like it.

            _Come on, you can be self-sufficient!  You don't need anyone else around to have a good time.  Come on, Kairi.  Don't be like this.  Don't be so lonely…_

            She stood up then, and resigned herself to have an enjoyable evening.  There were plenty of things to do by herself, right?

            Kairi's first order of business was to go to the kitchen and start some water boiling over the fireplace.  She took a quick bath and then headed upstairs and changed into a pair of comfortable black shorts and a baby blue spaghetti strap shirt. She took out her ponytail and let her hair loose, a trailing maroon-red veil.

            She felt a lot more comfortable in these clothes, a lot more relaxed.  She sat by her vanity and brushed the veil of hair so it both looked and felt smooth as silk.  Perfect.

            Downstairs, the water was far past boiling.  Kairi grabbed the kettle from the fireplace and poured it over the tealeaves in the readied pot.  While the tea was steeping, she grabbed a newspaper from the study and brought it to the kitchen table.  Here she sat and read of the events on the larger islands.

            When it came time to fetch a mug from the cupboard, Kairi had to stop herself from taking two.  She paused here, in front of the dishes.  She wasn't used to being alone.  She didn't like it.  She didn't like it at all.

            _Is it because I'm weak?_ she wondered, finally taking a single cup to the table.  _I can't stand on my own two legs?  I need someone to take care of, or I need someone to take care of me?  I can't just take care of myself, lean on myself?_

            The silence was almost deafening now.  All she heard were her own thoughts echoing inside her brain.

            _If this keeps up, I'll go insane._

            She began to hum.  She poured herself the fresh tea and hummed.  It was no song in particular.  The notes went up and down, were long and short.  She'd never claimed to have any musical talent, but what did it matter now?

             Before she knew it, Kairi was singing the notes with her mouth open.  She leaned back in the chair, bare legs crossed, wrists on the table, and sang.

            Suddenly, she heard a huge clattering from behind, and a _thump._

            Kairi spun and saw Riku slumped in the doorway, barely standing.

            "That was a nice song," he said.  He was breathing a little hard.

            Kairi ignored his comment and went to him.  With shock she observed a slightly sunken, pale face and red eyes.  "Are you all right?"

            "Yeah…"

            "You're a liar," she told him, gripping his shoulders with both hands.  "And not a very convincing one."

            She helped him into a chair at the table and fetched a basin and a washcloth.  She helped him clean his face.  It looked like there was a little bit of dried vomit on his lip, but she said nothing while wiping it away.  He washed his mouth out three times with water and she finished cleaning up.

            She served him tea and offered him a comb.  He took both, drank and combed.

            When this was done he looked slightly less pale and sunken, and his eyes were more pink than red.

            "Are you hungry?  Can I fix you something to eat?"

            Kairi was standing over him, her hand lingering on Riku's shoulder.  He looked up at her placidly.  She knew she would never forget how tired his eyes looked.

            "I'll take that as a yes…"

            She heated some broth for him and made sure he drank it.

            "More?"

            "No, thank you."

            Kairi sat down with her tea.  It had gone cold but she drank it anyway and poured herself a new mug.  This had been steeping for a long time, and was incredibly dark and strong.

            Her eyes wandered—desperate to land anywhere but his tired eyes—and found themselves instead resting on his bare leg.  There was a gash there, sealed with dried blood.  She gasped, and he looked down, acting like this was the first time he had noticed it too.

            "I slipped on some rocks," he told her.

            _Riku slipped on rocks?  No way._  She had always known him to be surefooted.  He could run on slippery wood and rocks—he did so all the time.  He was too swift, strong, and coordinated to be taken down by a few rocks.

            "I felt sort of woozy and slipped," he said to answer her questions, which apparently he had heard by way of extrasensory perception.  "It was dark, and I was a little out of it."

            What he said next meant that Kairi was not doing a very good job of hiding her emotions.

            "Hey, don't look so worried.  It's just a little cut."

            "Of course I'm worried about you, Riku," she said, sniffling a little.  "You're acting really strange lately.  You've always been really focused.  You wouldn't be 'out of it' if something wasn't seriously wrong."

            "Maybe I have the flu or something.  I'll be fine."

            "You haven't had any more of those bad headaches, have you?"

            Riku looked a little shocked, and then shook his head.  "No, don't worry about that."

            "You tell me not to worry, but it's impossible."  Kairi stood and began to clear the dishes.  "Can you stand?  I think you should go lie down."

            He shakily became vertical.  "I'm all right."

            "You're lying again," she tsked, getting under his right arm and looping it around her shoulder.  "Lean on me.  I'll help you."

            They made their way up the stairs, a little slowly, a little clumsily.  Riku was far too much taller than Kairi for her to work properly as a crutch, but she put in a lot of effort.  All the way up, she gripped his hand tightly against her bare shoulder and spoke softly to him.

            They came to his bedroom and he lay on top of the sheets.  Kairi piled two pillows under his head and sat down next to him, one bare leg folded beneath her.  She cupped one of his hands in both of her own.

            "Do you feel better now?" she wondered, still whispering.

            "Yes," Riku told her, and it was the first time Kairi didn't suspect dishonesty.

            "You know, Riku…"

            "Yeah?"

            "I'm here.  If you're sick, I'll be happy to take care of you."

            He moved his head back and forth, a little drowsily.  "You don't have to worry."

            "Hey, I'm serious here.  You mean a lot to me, Riku."

            He closed his eyes.  "…Thanks."

            She tensed a little, wondering what this indifferent response was all about.  There was no way he had heard what she said to Sora…was there?  Even if he had, he would know that she hadn't intended the words to come out quite that way…

            Wouldn't he?

            "I'll let you rest then," Kairi said, getting ready to stand.

            His fingers tightened around hers.  "Wait…  Hey…you couldn't sit with me for a while, could you?"

            She settled back down on the bed and squeezed his hand.  "I'd be happy to."

            Kairi didn't know why, but she decided to kiss his forehead.  In her mind, she begged for his forgiveness.  _Riku, you do know I love you, right?_

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Hey, not a bad chapter…I hope.  Everyone understanding the flashbacks all right?  I don't need to insert a flashing label that screams *~!FlasHbACk%$ , do I?  Just tell me if that would help.  Hmm…  Know what?  I don't want to take finals.  Yuck.  They're a week and a half away… ;_;  It's really hard to believe the school year is almost over…  Well, no it's not.  That explains why I have so many projects and crap.  I swear, teachers should plan better so there isn't so much stuff thrown in at the end.  @_@


	9. Worries

            Riku had never thought it would happen again.

            But it did.

            That morning, he woke up next to Kairi.

            Admittedly, it must have been a mistake, but it felt wonderful nonetheless.  She must have been sitting with him for a long time before pitching into the pillow.  Even now her fingers lingered around his.

            Last night was a little blurry.  He hadn't been feeling well…he'd fallen several times, stumbled his way home.  He had found Kairi alone in the kitchen, and she'd taken care of him.  Then she had helped him to bed, and stayed with him when he asked.

            He remembered the light feeling of her lips on his forehead as he fell toward unconsciousness…

            She looked so sweet now, her face cushioned on the pillow.  In the hazy light, her hair spilled out across the bed looking like a dark pool of blood…  It smelled sweet, though.  He touched it, dared to raise a few fingertips to her face and let them brush her skin.

            Kairi would never be his…but he had this moment.  Sora was probably in Kairi's dreams, but Riku was the one next to Kairi this morning.

            Her eyelids fluttered, and he took away his hand.  He pretended to sleep.

            Riku sighed to himself on the inside.  His moment was over.  It had been great while it lasted.  Short and sweet…as their relationship had been.

            Kairi made a confused noise as soon as her eyes opened.  "Eh?  When did I…?"

            Riku could see, from the slits between his eyelashes, Kairi sitting and rubbing her back.  Her silhouette faced him.  She squeezed his hand.  "Oh, Riku, I hope you slept well."

            He didn't move.  He let his hand lay dead in her grasp.  _Don't let go of me._

            She moved around on the bed, but he couldn't tell exactly what she was doing.  He peeked and saw that she was sitting with her back against the headboard.  Her eyes were closed, like she was still a little tired, or maybe thinking.  She hadn't let go yet.

            Riku wanted to sit like this forever.

            He would have, too, if another headache hadn't struck and he hadn't passed out.

_            Kairi blushed at him a little.  She wasn't wearing much; only a sleeveless, backless shirt.  Her skin was sweaty after the humid night and her shoulder-length red hair clung desperately to it.  Kairi's cheeks and lips were very red._

_            Riku laughed and grabbed her shoulders and indulged the girl in a long kiss.  He didn't restrain himself today.  She was the most beautiful woman in the world—and she was all his.  He wasn't about to miss a second of her affections._

            Kairi opened her lips immediately, pushing her mouth against Riku's.  She hugged his torso, pulling her body against his chest.  The two were so hot and sweaty, they almost stuck to each other.

_            Suddenly, she drew away and giggled, and toppled back on the bed, laughing._

_            "What are you laughing about?" Riku said, going down next to her.  He propped himself up on an elbow._

_            He noticed she was blushing again, and he raised his hand to wipe sticky hair from her face.  "Hmm?"_

_            Her eyes shone bright as stars.  "I just feel so wonderful, Riku.  I can't describe it.  I love being with you."_

_            "Same here," he whispered, stroking her cheek.  "I wish I could wake up next to you every morning."_

_            Riku's heart felt light.  He had never been able to be so honest with his feelings.  Now he could tell Kairi everything, and expect only her smile in return.  He didn't have to be angry and alone anymore.  He didn't have to be an outcast of a seventeen-year-old young man; he could be someone.  He could be Kairi's someone._

_            Kairi took his free arm and put it around her waist.  Her face was, at most, an inch from his.  She reduced the distance, wrapping her hand around his neck and pulling him down to her lips.  "I love you, Riku."_

_            He closed his eyes and kissed her._

_            Kairi was his.  For all his days, he would watch over her.  He would never let harm come to her, never.  He would protect her until the moment he died…_

~*~

            "Kairi?"

            Kairi jerked her head up to see Selphie standing in the doorway, Nadia in tow.  The brunette's eyes narrowed.  "Hey, what's up?"

            Kairi gulped.  She was still sitting on the bed.

            "Nadia, can you leave us alone?"

            "Mommy, is Papa all right?"  The little girl's voice trembled terribly.  Her cheeks went pale when she saw her father curled up on the bed, his face locked into a contorted expression of pain.

            "Yes, now run along," Kairi ordered.  "And shut the door, Selphie."

            Selphie guided Nadia out and closed the door.  "Kairi, is Riku okay?"

            "No…  He just _screamed_ and then…then he was like this.  And ever since…  I don't understand."

            "How long has this been going on?"

            "Since right after I woke up."

            "It's ten right now—"

            "Oh, God!  _Ten?_  It's been hours then…"  Kairi's chest felt heavy.  "What's wrong with him?"

            "I don't know.  Should we call a doctor?"

            "The only doctor is on the other side of the ocean!"

            "It would take him a whole day to get over here…"

            Kairi gulped back tears.  _Riku, please be all right!_

            And, as if to answer her, Riku's features relaxed until his face went smooth as an undisturbed lake.

            "Hey…what was that?"  Selphie peered over.  "Now he just looks like he's asleep."

            Kairi put her ear near his mouth.  "His breathing sounds a lot better, too."

            "Look…I don't really know what this is.  I only came over because you never picked up Nadia—"

            "Oh, I'm really sorry!  I wasn't thinking…"

            Selphie shook her head.  "No, I'm not worried about _that_."  She looked into Kairi's eyes.  "You sure aren't looking your best…  Been sitting here worrying all morning?"

            Kairi nodded.  "I didn't want to leave him for a second…in case…"

            "I understand.  Here, you can stay.  I'll take Nadia back to my house again.  And I'll talk to Tidus when he comes back tonight—about the doctor."

            Kairi sat down on the bed again, breathing a sigh of relief.  "Thanks, Selph."

            Selphie gave her friend a quick embrace.  "It's no problem.  Now take care of yourself, too, okay?  I'll talk to you tonight."

            "Okay, okay.  Thank you again."

~*~

            That day, toward the unsuspecting Selphie, Nadia began throwing the first tantrum of her life.  She screamed, cried, screamed, kicked, screamed, broken, screamed, run, and screamed some more.

            "I want to see Papa!  I want to see Papa!"

            "Na—Hey, no, _don't touch that_!—Okay, okay, Nadia, you can't see him right now…"

            "_Nadia wants to see Papa now!_"

            She let our cries so shrill that it was a wonder all the glass in Selphie's house didn't shatter.

            "Nadia, that vase is very special—please don't go near it—"

            "I want Papa!"

            "Look, he's sick right now…  You can see him later—"

            "_Now!_"

            The tears began and all Hell broke loose.

            Selphie tried to comfort the girl, but it was no use.  Nadia had a lot of strength in that little body of hers, and she used all of it to wrench free from the woman's arms whenever they got around her.  Nadia also kicked and threatened to bite.

            "_Nadia wants to see Papa now!_"

            "You can't, Nadia."

            "_Now now now now now!"_

            "You can't!"

            "What if…what if Papa _dies_?"

           Selphie inhaled sharply.  Time seemed to stop.  The world melted away and very quickly it was only her looking into the little girl's tear-soaked face.  Nadia, suddenly, looked very grown up and serious.  Selphie thought she might faint.  _Nadia…when did you become so mature?  You're only seven…right?_

            "Your father is most certainly _not_ going to die.  Wouldn't I be a bit more worried if that were true?"

            "What if he dies and nobody knows?"

            _This is ridiculous.  Kids don't understand the concept of life and death.  They _can't_ understand it…_

            "Nadia, calm down a minute!  Honestly, he's fine.  Kairi's taking care of him."

            Nadia sniffed a little.

            Selphie collapsed on the couch.  She wasn't up for this.  She had a baby due in a couple months, and she was tired from chasing Nadia around.  _God, don't tell me this is what parenting is like!  I wanted to have kids originally _because_ Nadia was so well behaved…_

            "Come and sit by me," Selphie said, trying to maintain a motherly persona.  She patted the cushion next to her.

            Nadia clambered over and climbed up.  She put her arms around Selphie's middle and dug her small face into the woman's side.  "I want Papa…" she whispered.

            Selphie stroked the girl's hair.  "I know, sweetie, I know.  But you need to stay with me today, so your mom can take care of him.  Is that okay?"

            Nadia hugged Selphie a little tighter.  "Okay…"

            Selphie embraced the girl in return, and inwardly gave a sigh of relief.  She made a mental note not to mention this incident to Kairi.  That poor woman must have had enough stress on her already.

~*~

            Sora held his mother's hand as they walked through the orchard.

            "Aren't the trees beautiful?" the woman remarked.  She reached up and touched one of the lower blossoms, cradling it in her palm.

            Sora's parents had gone into the fruit business after relocating, and they now owned several acres of trees that stretched behind a modest but beautiful house on the seashore.  His mother had taken him for a walk because the trees were finishing their yearly blossom.  White and pink petals littered the ground underfoot, while a few flowers lingered overhead.

            "I've never seen flowers like these," Sora remarked, breathing in the perfumed air.

            She smiled at him hugely.  "The soil here is special—different from any other place on any of the islands.  Your father was a genius to find it."

            "Yeah…"  Sora touched his hand to the light tan bark of one tree.  "I like the air here.  Not clogged up…like in the house."        

            His mother said quietly, "He won't quit."

            "I know.  I know."

            She released his hand then, and combed her hair with all ten fingers, letting the sand-colored strands free.  "I love it out here, though.  We take walks in peak season…  It's even more lovely than now."

            Sora looked around.  "I think it's fine the way it is."

            The man kept his hand against the light bark.  The natural world was so wonderful.  He could hear birds, smell fertile soil underneath and flower blossoms all around, and see everything bathed in such vibrant colors—greens, browns, reds, yellows, whites, pinks, blues—nothing was black, nothing was dark.

            _I'd like to take Kairi out here.  Has she been?  I don't know.  She's pretty rooted at home, I think.  But she would love something like this.  Anyone would._

            "Why did you move, Mom?" Sora wondered.  "Just…liked it better here?"

            The woman shook her head.  "I couldn't take it anymore at home…  Everything reminded me of you.  The beach where you played, the house—everything.  I couldn't have another baby; all I could do was sit and miss the son who everyone said wasn't coming back.  Your father…maybe he just got fed up with my sulking…  He investigated the land out here and was able to buy all of this."

            Sora looked around the huge orchard again, noting how the shadows danced happily on the ground under the breeze-taunted trees.  Flower petals floating around him…  This place wasn't bad at all.  He would definitely ask Kairi to come with him, perhaps next season when all the flowers were born anew.

            "I think Dad did it for you.  To make you happy."

            His mother was facing away from him now, so he couldn't read her face.  Her voice sounded very far off, however.  "Yes…  I think so, too."

            He caught a stray petal in his hand.  It was very white, and very crisp as it rested in his palm.  Something about this time of the season…  How the trees had given a brilliant show and ended it so gracefully…  It seemed very beautiful to him.  In his heart, it meant something very big.  There was no describing it.

            All of a sudden, as if in a dream, Sora saw his mother and father, hand in hand, walking down the corridor of trees as the fading petals swirled around them.

            He wanted to reach out and touch that dream, wanted to grab Kairi's hand and chase after.  He wanted to walk together with these people he loved, these people he had not seen for half his life, and smile and laugh like time was an illusion, and therefore meant nothing.  He wanted to walk through the trees as they lost their blossoms, wanted the dying petals to swirl around him, wanted to witness such a beautiful ending.

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Good, wistful chapter, I hope?  I hope you were thoroughly stagnated by my obscene lack of plot advancement.  It's pretty common of me.  Whoo-hoo.  Hey, I think I deserved something a lil' whimsical after this week.  Ugh, _this week_.  I'm surprised I made it out alive.  Nights with two hours of sleep, four tests, one huge project, ugh.  Ugh ugh ugh!  Next week finals start, and I really need to get my brain in gear and study, because I, like, don't remember anything.  I'm serious.  And I hope the formatting works out on this chapter, because whenever I've had large chunks of italicized type in the past, the last few bits always become unitalicized—**no matter what I do!**  I mean, I will go back and reformat and save as a html file again and again in Word and re-upload and refresh a dozen times at ff.net, and it still is screwy, and sometimes I scream at the computer and my family…worries.  So if format ever seems a little weird, it's not for lack of effort on my part.  _Trust me._


	10. Arguments

            "Hey…what are you doing?"

            Sora dug the spade into the ground and leaned hard against it.  He wiped a bit of sweat from his brow, exchanging that for dirt on the back of his hand.  He was surprised to see Riku there, wearing a bathrobe and loose pants, looking at him from the back porch.

            Sora picked up the tool again and turned over some more soil.  "I'm starting a garden," he explained.  "But this dirt needs a lot of work."

            "A garden?"  Riku hopped down, his slippers smacking against the sand.  "Here?"

            "Look," his companion pointed out.  "Under the sand here is some good soil.  I just need to aerate it, and bring in some humus."

            Riku waved his hands in front of his face, signaling defeat.  "Woah woah woah.  Hold up.  Don't go confusing me with all this terminology."

            "I'm gonna dig it up and then add some more nutrient-rich stuff to it," Sora explained slowly with a lot of comical gesturing.  "Is that layman enough for you?"

            Riku smirked a little, but when Sora looked into his face, he saw that Riku seemed much thinner than just two weeks prior.  A little paler, too.

            "When did you get back?" Riku asked, sitting down on the porch step.

            "Last night.  You were asleep."  Sora jammed the spade back into the earth and turned over a fresh shovel-full.  He was a little tired; he'd been since he had first awakened, over an hour ago.  "Kairi…"  He grunted with effort.  The soil was very hard here.  Almost like rock.  "She told me you've been ill."

            The man hesitated, collapsing his hands tightly in front of him as his elbows rested upon still knees.  "Yeah…  I've been resting."

            It was a pleasant morning, quiet and cool.  The sun was emerging on the horizon, sending waves of warm light jutting into the pre-dawn sky.  The ocean's salty breeze rustled trees, hair, and clothes, dancing around the two men as they paused in awkward silence.

            Sora dug a little more.

            "I'm sorry to hear that.  I hope you feel better soon."

            "I feel okay this morning.  Thanks…"

            _Dig dig dig_.

            "Nice morning, huh?"

            Riku glanced up.  "What?  Yeah.  So how are your parents?"

            _Dig dig dig_.

            "Pretty well, thanks."

            "Heh, you sound so sincere there."

            _Dig dig dig_.

            The brown-haired man stopped in his work yet again.  "I don't know.  I guess I didn't consider how much my absence would affect them."

            "They were very lonely without you.  As was Kairi," Riku added without emotion.

            "I'll be right back," Sora announced, dropping the spade and heading around the side of the house.  He returned shortly, dragging a large cloth sack of very dark soil that smelled…interesting.

            "Is that the hum-us?"

            "_Hue_-mus, and yes," Sora corrected.  "It's very rich soil from my parents' compost heap."

            Riku clamped his nose shut with two fingers.  "So _that's _what smells."

            Sora just laughed as he emptied the bag over the tilled earth.  "I'll show you.  In a few months, I'm going to have the most beautiful garden here.  And you'll know that this 'smelly' stuff helped it."

            "Why a garden, anyway?"

            Sora picked up the spade and began to mix the topsoil with the humus.  His eyes were on his work, and this he did diligently.  "My parents have got an orchard and a huge garden at their house.  I loved it so much I was determined to make one of my own.  Mom showed me what to do to get started."

            "Did Kairi agree to you doing it here?"

            "How could she refuse when I'd brought all the tools and stuff with me?"  He knelt on bare knees.  "She said as long as I planted something pretty she'd be happy."

            "What are you going to plant?"

            "Mostly vegetables, but some flowers too."

            "Ah."

            "Riku…"

            "Yes?"

            Sora began to smooth the earth with both hands.  "What about your family?  Seen them lately?"

            Riku didn't say anything.  He just…sat.

            "Sorry.  I shouldn't have asked."

            "No…  Don't worry.  Um…  My real mother died during childbirth, you know, along with my little sister.  My father died during a storm while I was gone—that old man never knew better than to fish when it was bad weather!"  He shook his head.  "I hear my step-mother is still alive, but we never got along very well anyway."

            Sora felt something clogging his throat.  It felt like a big ball of regret.

            "Hey, don't worry.  I never had a good relationship with my dad either…  Not since he remarried.  I'm sure it didn't break his heart not to see me again."

            "God, don't say things like _that_, Riku.  Your dad was strict on you but I know he loved you."

            "It's my right to," Riku replied.  "When I was a kid—before everything happened—I used to run away from home and fantasize about how wonderful life would have been if my real mother and little sister had lived.  I thought that everything would have been perfect."

            "Riku…"

            "But it was only a fantasy.  I would return home after these daydreams and things would be only that much harder.  Now I can see reality clearly and all the things life has denied me."

            Sora stood in frustration.  Hadn't Riku been home on the island with Kairi for eight years?  "I'm sorry about your family…  But, honestly, you have to look at all life has _given_ you before you start complaining."

            The man with silver hair closed his eyes and breathed in long and hard.  "Sorry to bother you.  I'll let you get back to your gardening."  He went inside.

            Sora crawled over the soil, leveling it out with both arms.  He was still determined to make this garden something great, something beautiful.  He needed to work…or he might begin remembering again.

            "What was that all about?" a worried Kairi wondered from the doorway.  "Riku just stormed past me without saying a word.  Don't tell me you guys had a fight?"

            Sora just shrugged.  "Didn't seem like it to me, but…"

            The woman turned her head inside, as if to watch after the Riku that had disappeared.  "He's not himself lately.  Maybe he's just tired of being ill."

            "I made a mistake by bringing up his family," Sora thought aloud.  "I mean, I didn't know, but…"

            "Of course you didn't."

            "He's not the only one who's had tough times…"

            Kairi came to Sora then.  She was wearing a robe and it was tied tightly around her middle.  Her hair was in a big braid swirled into a bun, and her cheeks were growing rosy in the cool morning air.  She touched Sora's cheek with the back of one hand.  "Don't be mad at him, okay?  Did you know he can't remember anything about the two years he was gone?"

            "What do you mean?"

            "It was so terrible for him his brain just…blocked it out.  That happens to people sometimes, you know…"

            "I know."

            She leaned against him for support and talked in a softer tone.  "Sometimes, though, I think he remembers.  A few times he has screamed out in his sleep…so loud you could hear it all over the house…"

            "Yeah," Sora said through gritted teeth.  "I had eight more years than he did—and I remember every minute of it."

            Kairi touched his face again, with more tenderness.  Her eyes were big and sparkled in the dawn light.  "I know, Sora, I know it was terrible for you.  But it was hard on Riku too, and I wish you two could get along."

            Sora paused, looking down at Kairi.  She couldn't understand it, could she?  She had lived on the island all this time and never tasted the true Darkness…  Never fought for her life when life didn't feel worth living anymore…  She was trying to be the same old Kairi, even when her comparatively minor struggles had changed her as well…

            How in the world did she expect everyone to get along famously when they were nothing like the children of ten years ago?__

            "Oh, I don't know," he moaned, and pulled away from her.  The morning chill was very prominent at that moment.  It burned in his lungs.

            "Sora, I just want you to try.  Riku…  He _was_ upset when he came back.  He had some sort of amnesia, and I had to keep reminding him of who I was and tell him about his past.  Then, one day, he just remembered everything—except those two years, of course—and it crushed him to realize that his father was dead.  He told me he felt lost."

            Sora kept his back to her.

            "Kairi…  I can't help but be angry with Riku for taking advantage of you in your weakness…"

            He heard her gasp.  He might have gasped, too, had he realized exactly what words were coming out of his mouth.

            "He didn't," she said somberly.  "We were both hurting at that time and we needed each other."

            "Huh?  You told me you didn't really love him."

            "So maybe I _do_ love him…but not in the way—"

            "Not in the way you love me, is that what you're gonna say?"

            "Sora, why are you making this so hard?"

            He turned around and faced her then.  He put up a wall of ice to shield him against her teary face.  _Oh, God, don't cry!  I don't want to make you cry…_

            Kairi stared that face right at him.  "Why are you being so terrible to me?  You know I love you more than anything!"

           "No," Sora said.  "You _don't_ love me—you haven't known me for more than a few days.  You can't love the person I am today.  You love…another Sora.  The Sora from ten years ago."

            "You're the same person—"

            "No, no I'm not.  I want you to just stand back a minute and analyze your feelings.  You can't be so naïve and think that everything can be the way it used to be, Kairi!  We're not the same people we were ten years ago!"

            Kairi took a few steps backward, holding on hand over her mouth as her lips opened into a circle of disbelief.  "How _dare_ you!  How _dare_ you question my love for you—after all this time!  The girl you promised to come back to!"

            He reached his hand out for her.  "Kairi—"

            She moved away from his hand.  "You tell me that this love I've cherished for ten years is a lie…?"

            "No, I just want you to think about it…"

            "Maybe we've changed…  So what?  People change.  But my love hasn't, Sora.  I wish you would respect that instead of telling _me_ about my own feelings!"

            Before he knew it, Sora was chasing after Kairi and having a door slam shut in his face.  He pounded muddy hands against it, wondering what in the _Hell_ had gotten into him.  He was jealous of Riku for having Kairi, so why had he given Kairi a chance to go back to him?  He loved Kairi—more now than ever—so why had he done something he knew would hurt her?

            Why is that we always find a way to push away those we need closest to us?

~*~

            Riku found his target at the docks as the afternoon tide swelled along the shore.  The target was sitting in the wet sand, letting the foam wash over his toes.  He had his face between his knees and his arms wrapped around his legs.

            It didn't matter how he sat.

            Riku stormed right up.

            The target raised his head at the noise.

            Riku slugged him in the jaw, sending blood spurting from the target's nose.

            "You bastard," Riku growled as Sora lay shocked on the ground.  "You bastard."

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I'm already up to Chapter 10!  Things sure have turned out differently than I first expected when starting this baby!  (Although I am incorporating most of my original ideas.)  Hmm…as for my comments on this particular installment…  Doesn't growing up just kinda suck?  I know it's not _all_ bad, but when I look back and think about how different my friends and I were just a year or two ago…  Makes me a little sad.  Time is very slippery, ne?  Can't hold onto it.  *chases after a fond memory*  Come back here!!!


	11. Changes

            _"Sora…don't ever change."_

            Kairi held her hand against the clear pane of glass, surveying the scene below with soft eyes.  A light drizzle had begun outside and the sun was all but set behind the gray clouds, yet she could see Sora still digging his hands into the earth of his new garden.

            Very early that day, the unbelievable had happened.  Sora had rejected her love.  The shock soon wore away and she was left with a shattered heart.  For the entire morning Kairi had cried alone in her room, the rest of the world unimportant.

            She was in her room still.  She had come out for a moment when Nadia had called to her.  Riku had been around when the door creaked open, taken one look at her face, and stormed off angrily.  He hadn't returned since.

            _"…remember what you said before?"_

            Kairi had run out of tears but not hurt.  She sat on the bed and held her dried face in both hands.  She was crying invisible tears.

            _"I'm always with you, too."_

            A sigh filtered through her fingers.

            _"I'll come back to you…"_

            She felt so…_raw_ on the inside.

            _"I promise!"_

            These words in her head now had been in her thoughts thousands of times before.  Never had they stung like they did now.  Never had she so clearly felt them echoing painfully inside her ears.  Never had her reply seemed so mocking.

            _"I know you will!"_

            "And you did come back," Kairi whispered.  "But not the you I fell in love with.  Someone with cold eyes and revenge in his heart took your place, Sora.  Someone full of regret who curses the past…"

            _Ach, what am I doing, talking to an empty room?_  And, indeed, the room was empty and dim.  No people, no light but the very, very dull glow of the clouds outdoors.  No sound except a light drumming on the roof.  The rain.

            She looked to this haze outdoors and noticed water splattered the window she had been gazing from mere minutes before.  The drizzle was picking up.  Was Sora still outside?

            _I don't want to see him!_ she told herself.  _If he came inside and I would have to deal with him.  It's better if he stays out there, even if it's raining…_

            She went to the window.  He was there, still planting—or whatever it was.  From this height, it was a little hard to tell exactly what he was up to.  It didn't matter anyway.

            _"Sora…don't ever change."_  Those words she had a spoken as a fourteen-year-old girl, that plead of an uncertain heart delivered by the lips of a naïve child…  Those words haunted her now every time she thought of Sora.

            "Oh, I don't care about him!" Kairi screamed.  She couldn't take it anymore—dwelling on him and the knife he had stabbed into her heart.  Not for another second.  She had been missing him for an endless ten _years_, and now he was back to smash the feelings she had so lovingly offered him.

            "I don't care, Sora!  I don't care about you at all!"

~*~

            "Papa…?"

            Riku paused, his fingers loitering on the doorknob.  Damn, caught in the act.

            "Where're you going?"

            "Nowhere, Nadia."  He turned around and flashed his daughter a guilty smile.  _Not anymore, anyway._  He had just come home and now was thinking about leaving again.  If Sora showed up, Riku wasn't sure what he would do to him…

            "Papa," she said quietly, holding up an arm.  "Pick me up!"

            He bent down and looped this small arm around his neck, then put his own arms under her knees and around her back.  He lifted her to his height and spun.  Nadia was left to scream with delight.

            He set her back down and she stumbled a little, giggling and dizzy.  "Nadia can fly!"

            Riku knelt next to his daughter and played with her hair.  "Now, what are you doing here so late?"

            "Hungry," she replied slowly.

            "Mommy hasn't gotten your dinner yet?"

            Nadia shook her head quickly.  "Mommy's in her room."

            "Still?"

            "Yup."

            Riku sighed and came back up to his full height.  It wasn't like Kairi to neglect Nadia.  _She must be really depressed.  Well, I took care of that.  Try and step one foot in this house, Sora, and I'll—_

            "Dinner?" prodded Nadia, poking her father's knee.

            "Of course.  Go and set the table for us two."

            "Okay!"

            He followed the girl into the kitchen and began to prepare the evening meal.  He would bring Kairi something later after Nadia was settled down to sleep…

            "Papa?"

            "Yes, Nadia?"

            "Where's that guy?"

            "You mean Sora?"

            "Yeah."

            "Far from here, I hope," Riku muttered under his breath.

            "He was outside diggin' holes."

            "In the garden?"

            "Yeah.  But not now.  He's gone."

            "That's good," Riku said.  At that time, he didn't think that what he was saying could influence his daughter.  At that time, he was still picturing throwing Sora off a cliff.

            "He made Mommy cry."

            "He did."

            "Mommy cried a lot."

            "I know."

            "Papa, are you mad at me?"

            "No, no, Nadia.  I could never be mad at you.  You know that.  I'm mad at Sora for hurting Mommy's feelings."  _Incredibly mad.  I would have liked to kill him for what he did to Kairi.  Bastard._

            Riku looked at his daughter's expression.  She seemed so fragile as she gazed back at him with a mixture of trust and uncertainty.  Her eyes seemed so big and pure to him.  She was unspoiled by the cruelties of the world…

            He put down the food and took his daughter back into his arms.  There was simply so much _love_ in him for this girl.  Now he was letting his own anger and jealousy get in the way of parenting…  Burdening her with matters she over which she had no control…

            "Nadia, I don't want you to worry about your mother and Sora, all right?  These are grownup problems."

            "Is Mommy okay?"

            "She will be.  I'm going to take good care of her."

            She cuddled up to the man.  "'Love you, Papa."

            "'Love you, Nadia."

~*~

            Sora looked at the house on the cliff, the house that overlooked both the sea and the village.  He looked at that house where Kairi lived, where Riku and Nadia lived as well.

            He gave one last look and proceeded to leave that house, at least for tonight.  He had planted his garden and now the rain had come to water in his small batch of crops.  Later, perhaps in a few days, he planned to find another lonely evening when he could do more work.  He didn't want to give up on his garden.  It meant a lot to him now.

            Maybe it was all he had left.

            Sora turned his back on civilization and walked through the drizzle to the shack where he and his friends had once stored supplies for a raft that would take them on the journey of their young lives.

            The place was abandoned that night.  The shack was a place for children's fantasies and those do not thrive well on dark and stormy nights.  It was a gloomy, musty, and terribly cramped room, but the roof was intact, and that was all Sora was after.  To his surprise (and luck), a new generation of children must have been planning adventures; a few ropes, boards, and even raggedy blankets lay tucked into a corner.

            He lay on the sand floor with the old blankets wrapped around him.  He could not lie on his right side; that was where his jaw ached from Riku's well-aimed punch.  Sora stretched out on his back instead and left his hands folded behind his head.

            He remembered that afternoon when Riku had attacked.  The silver-haired man's hard lips had not spoken any words, but his glare had screamed thousands of them.  Sora might have retaliated, but he knew the punishment was just and had accepted the blow without contest.

            _Kairi must hate me now_, he thought.  _I can't understand myself.  I missed her more and more when I was gone.  When I heard she still loved me, I was _happy_…for the first time in years…_

            He closed his eyes.  He could remember the feel of Kairi's lips against his, the warmth of her body in his arms as she cried into his chest.  He wanted that warmth next to him for the rest of his life.

            I don't want to live alone anymore… 

            His memories were powerful things, and now they swept him back to an underground tunnel where the water ran over rocks and the stones were cool beneath his feet.  Kairi was standing next to him.

            _"Don't forget.  Wherever you go, I'm always with you…"_

            Those words they had exchanged as optimistic children.  Sora longed for the sting of tears in his eyes but he could only let his hardened shell snicker with contempt.

            _Does Kairi still believe what we said?  About being together?  About returning to the island and everything being the way it was when we were kids?_

            He now was sitting on a dock, swaying his feet back and forth above the waves.  The sun was setting brilliantly in front of them.  The world seemed big and bright.  Infinite possibilities lay just ahead…

            _"Sora, don't ever change…"_

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Short chapter, but it's the middle of finals, you know (I've been complaining about them coming for weeks and they finally came.  Two days of sophomore year left!)  I had Honors Bio today and don't have my other hard ones until Monday (Honors U.S. History and Advanced Algebra).  Tomorrow I have only a presentation for Journalism and Spanish written final, and I hardly need to study hours for that.  _¡Español es muy facil!_  This weekend I'll be cramming in history, though.  Can't say I've enjoyed the course—would have been 10x better with a more engaged teacher.  X_X

In case you're interested, I sort of have an idea for a sequel to _Dreams Before Yesterday_.  It will probably feature Nadia.  I already have a great title for it, too.  Oh ho ho!  Bet you can't wait to find out!  There's going to be a few more chapters before this is done, though.  Gotta resolve things between Sora and Kairi!  I'm in a very Sora/Kairi mood; I was watching a tape I made with a few scenes from KH (my copy is loaned to a friend at the moment).  Oh, the ending is so _sad_…  But my favorite scene of all time is when Sora changes back from a Heartless and ends up hugging Kairi.  I must have squealed so loud when I first saw that.  It makes me feel all happy inside to watch it again ^.^

…And don't tell me I'm crazy for taping scenes from a video game.  I've taped the ending sequences of many games so I can watch them at my leisure…  I'm not that weird!!!

Wow, I think my ramblings are almost longer than the chapter.  Shutting up.


	12. Ultimatums

            _Why does it always have to be a storm?_

            Riku set his eyes straight ahead, trying to ignore the pellets of ice-cold water assaulting his face and the sting of the wind in his eyes.

            He had no coat—hell, he had no shirt either, only pants and what, at one time, were intact boots.  The things seemed closer to sandals at this point.

            But, on a night like this, what did it matter?

            The door slammed shut behind him, but he did not worry; Nadia was fast asleep after a glass of warm milk and Kairi was still holed up in her room.  Riku latched the door shut and left the protection of the house for the full brunt force of the wind.

            Nature challenged him.  He kept walking.

            He could barely see at first, but, in a moment's time, the man adjusted.  He'd adjusted to more difficult things before.  This was by no means the worst storm he'd been in the middle of.

            _Though…it might very well be my last…_

            No, he couldn't think like that.  If he did, he'd lose all motivation.

            _I need to get through the days I have left…  Whether I have a million or a hundred…_

            One foot in front of the other.  That was the way.  The wind tried to knock Riku down but he refused to bow to it.  He had to complete this mission.  He would not accept defeat.

            _When will the next headache come?  I may only have a few minutes._

            He looked in the tree house and on the boat and even in the Secret Place, although there he only paused at the opening and called inside to hear his voice echo within the stone cavern.

            Funny…he'd sworn he'd seen Sora head around to this part of the island…

            Wait.  There was one place Riku had forgotten to check.

            _The old shack where we stored our supplies.  That's where you're hiding, isn't it, Sora?  You couldn't stand the Secret Place either because it holds too many memories for you…  Of good times and of dark times…_

            Riku pushed open the door to the shack and stepped in.  At first, he was just glad to have the constant push of the wind fade from his skin.  Water dripped off his soaked body as he lingered in the dark.

            "Who's there?"

            "Your best friend," Riku replied, a bit of dry humor in his voice.

            Sora groaned and turned over.  "Come to finish breaking my jaw?"

            "I would like to," the silver-haired man replied.  "But I'm being the bigger man here and giving you a chance to explain yourself, bastard."

            "Could you _not_ call me that—for once?"

            Riku clenched his teeth and ushered a long sigh through them.  He gripped his fists so tightly he broke the skin of his palms.  As blood ran between his fingers, he slowly breathed in and out.

            "You know," he began in a very low and threatening voice, "I want to strangle you now, Sora, for what you did to Kairi.  You broke her heart.  You don't deserve to live."

            "…I know."

            "Why the hell did you do it then?"

            "That I don't know," Sora replied, frustrated.  "It's just, you know, she loves you so much too.  I didn't want her to make a decision she'd regret later—"

            "No, you're wrong.  Kairi doesn't love me."

            "She does!"

            "No.  Don't lie to me, Sora.  I _heard_ her tell you that she didn't care about me at all—"

            Sora froze.  "You heard that…?"

            "That was an accident, okay?  The point is—"

            "The _point_ is she took that back later and admitted she does love you!"

            Sora was sitting up now, maybe standing, and he was growing more frustrated and angry by the minute.

            Riku held his forehead with one hand, cursing on the inside.  _Damn, she did?  This makes things more complicated…  Damn, you don't love me, Kairi!  You can't!_

            "Ev-Even if she did say that, she certainly doesn't love me in the way she loves you.  She's waited for you for _ten years_, Sora.  Why can't you _open your eyes and just see that!_"

            "But you two—"

            "So we did.  So what?  It's all over now.  All over."

            "I know that, but…"

            "But what?  Look, you don't even know how it happened, all right?  How she…how she told me it was over."

            Sora was silent.

            Riku ran his tongue over calloused lips.  "Nadia wasn't too old then, only about a year.  I was so…"  He stopped momentarily and clamped his eyes shut.  He wouldn't let himself be taken back to that time, that time that was among the happiest in his life.  "I was so in love with Kairi and Nadia.  I was content.  It was like I had a chance to be part of a real family…  You know how miserable I was growing up, right?  I wanted to have a real family for the three of us.  I even wanted more children.  I wanted it all.

            "I decided to ask Kairi to marry me so my selfish dream could come true.  We had a romantic dinner and then took a walk on the beach with Nadia.  It was…it was the best evening in my life, so relaxed and peaceful.  I took Kairi aside and gave her a ring carved out of a pearl I'd found.  It was then…  It was then that she told me…"

            The air inside the shack was heavy and still.  The walls rattled against the wind and the rain.  The men were reflective and motionless.

            Riku felt something inside him seizing up.  He couldn't say anymore about that day Kairi told him…

            _"I care for you, Riku, but I still love Sora.  I really thought I could forget him, but I don't think I ever will.  I'm so sorry…  I thought I could forget him…  I'm so sorry…"_

            "I'm sorry it happened that way," Sora said, his voice a whisper weaving through the dark.

            "No, don't say you're sorry.  I'm sick and tired of people being sorry for me!"

            "Riku—?"

            "Honestly, Sora.  What the hell is wrong with you?  You broke Kairi's heart and you're just laying here being jealous of me?  Kairi _loves you_.  She doesn't love me.  She doesn't love anyone else.  She wouldn't have waited ten years for someone she hadn't given her heart to!"

            "Riku—"

            "Go back to sleep, Sora.  _But_, if tomorrow isn't the day you get down on your knees and beg for Kairi's forgiveness—if you don't make her happy—then I swear to God I _will_ strangle you—and then throw you out to sea for the fishes."

            "…I understand."

            "Good night, Sora," Riku mumbled as he left.  _And goodbye, my friend._

~*~

            Kairi heard the back door slam.  The woman thought she had heard it before (she hadn't been able to sleep all night).  Now she was sure she heard it.

            Two door slams.  That meant that someone had gone and returned.

            _Sora?_

            She paused at the foot of the stairs.  She didn't want to see Sora.  She had been mourning over him all day.  She certainly didn't want to face him with tear-stained and sleep-deprived eyes.

            _He already thinks I'm naïve as a child.  I don't want him to think I'm immature emotionally, too._

            Kairi tiptoed to the kitchen.  She saw Riku at the table.  He was leaning heavily on one elbow, holding his head with the attached hand.

            She got closer.  He was soaked through.

            "Did you go out for a midnight jog or something?" Kairi whispered from immediately behind the man.

            He jumped, then slowly turned around and looked up at her.  "Hey."

            Kairi pulled up a seat next to him, her eyes probing for an explanation.

            "I was just taking a walk."

            The wind blew up then and caused the windows to quake.

            "In _that_?"

            Riku offered her a tired smile.  "Guess so."

            Kairi folded her hands tightly in her lap and stared down at them.  "Couldn't sleep either, huh?"

            "You should really get some rest."

            "I _can't_," she sniffed, throwing her arms around him.  She didn't mind that his chest was wet and frigid.  Underneath was his slow and steady heartbeat.  Underneath was warmth that she had once known so well.

            Riku hesitated before placing one hand on the woman's back.  "Kairi…"

            "I can't stand it, Riku!  Why did he have to say those awful things to me?  Why did he lead me on first—just so he could really destroy me?"  Her tears began to mix with the rainwater that covered his body.  She squeezed closer to him, almost clawing into his bare back.

            "I don't think he meant to…"

            "Whatever!" she cried.  "Like he _didn't _know what it would do to me!  He knew full well!"

            Riku rubbed her back gently, and she pulled closer to him.

            "I don't care about him at all!  I don't need him if all he can do is insult me!"

            "Kairi…"

            She resituated her arms—to around his neck.  "Riku, oh Riku…"

            "Kairi, I can't…"

            The woman kissed his cheek.  "Riku, I'm sorry I rejected you all those years ago.  I…I need you close to me now…"

            "Don't do this.  Please."

            She squeezed him tightly.  "Riku…"

            He pulled her arms away.  He let her slide back into her own chair, disbelief covering her face.  Maybe a little disappointment, too.

            Riku let his eyes rest on Kairi for a long while.  "Come on, Kairi.  This isn't what you want, is it?"

            "No, it is—!"

            "_I'm_ not the one you want.  You still love Sora."

            "But I love you too, Riku!"

            He faced away from her a little and…gulped?  "Don't kid yourself.  You told me before that you could never forget about Sora."

            Kairi gasped.  _That's right…  When he proposed.  I remember._

            The woman pulled the hair away from her face.  She sat up straight and talked very quietly, very slowly.  "I know, Riku.  I loved you, too, and I would have liked to marry you.  But it would never have been fair to you!  I still…I still had feelings for Sora.  I didn't want it to be that way, when you were there for me a hundred percent…"

            "And why is tonight any different?  Because you had a fight with Sora?"

            Kairi felt a dagger twisting in her heart.  _Oh, God…  Riku…  You're so right.  I was about to…  Just because…_

            Riku came to her then and touched her hair gently.  "Kairi…  There isn't anything I want do more right now than hold you in my arms.  But it would be wrong.  Unfair, like you said.  For…for all of us."

            "_Riku…_"  Kairi was crying again now, but no longer were they tears of self-pity.  She was crying for Riku and all the pain she had caused him.  They came rushing back to her, then:  all the times he had been there for her, all the time knowing she could never return his love.

            "Riku…  Please tell me there is something I can do for you now?"

            He smiled a soft and sincere smile.  "Yes, there is.  I want you to let Sora grovel and mend your broken heart, Kairi.  I want you to be happy.  For me, all right?  Can you do that?"

            The wounds from Sora were still fresh, but she promised him, "I will try my best, Riku.  For you."

            "All right."  He pulled his hand from her hair, started to walk away.

            "Wait."  Kairi grabbed his wrist and climbed over the chair until she stood next to him.  "I still want you to hold me…one more time."

            Riku opened his arms and she nestled herself into his strong embrace, listening to his heartbeat.  It was racing much faster than before.  _He's so warm…  Riku, I'm sorry…  I wish… I wish I could…_

            "I love you, Kairi," Riku whispered, grasping her firmly.

            Kairi felt so safe in his arms.

            "And I love you…"

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One—two chapters at most—left.  Ooh, the story climaxes!


	13. Apologies

            "Nadia, honey, wake up."

            "Papa?"

            The child rubbed sleep-filled eyes.  She started grinning as soon as she saw her father in the doorway.  It was still dim outside, but this man was more than enough to brighten any day.

            Nadia was wearing the old shirt with stains and holes that dragged on the floor in places.  She clambered out of bed, tripping over the folds of the thing.  "Papa," she laughed happily.

            Riku held a finger to his lips.  "Want to go on a walk with me?" he whispered.  "It's very early.  Go back to sleep if you want."

            "No, I wanna go," she replied.

            "Get dressed and come downstairs.  Be sure to tiptoe, okay?  Mommy's still asleep."

            "I'll be super quiet!" she promised in a harsh whisper, her childish face squashed up with earnestness.  Riku just laughed gently at the girl and slipped out, shutting the door behind him.

            When Nadia was dressed (in a yellow jumper and white t-shirt) and in the kitchen, Riku quickly fed her breakfast and the two left the house for the beach.  The sand was wet between their naked toes, and both man and girl laughed.

            "Hold my hand, Papa!" Nadia commanded.

            "Sure thing," he said.  Her small hand disappeared in his comparatively huge one, but he clasped it with a feather's tenderness.

            They walked along the shore, the water coming up in spurts and covering their feet.

            "Oohh—Cold!" Nadia shrieked.

            Riku smiled and, in one swift movement, hoisted the girl up to ride on his shoulders.  Her sandy feet hung down to bounce against either side of his chest, and she grabbed hold of his hair like it was reins.

            Holding the girl's knees tight against him, Riku began to run.  The wind sailed through Nadia's hair and she screamed with delight.  "Faster, faster!"

            Her father obliged and soon the child felt like she was flying high among the clouds.  Riku lifted her again, gripping her waist tightly, and began to turn round and round.  The colors of the world swirled and blended in Nadia's eyes.

            Riku smoothly spun down to the ground, setting the girl's feet on the sand.  Nadia, dizzy as could be, fell backward.  Her lungs were full of the morning's cold air and her spirits were racing higher than a sea gull.

            When the world finally leveled out, she sat up.

            "Want to build a sandcastle, Nadia?"

            "Okay!"

            They began to dig at the sand, piling up a good amount.  Riku flattened it into a smooth and secure cone, and Nadia started digging out turrets and windows.  She carved a moat using her whole hand and her father made a drawbridge to cross it.

            Nadia never stopped to wonder why they were up at six in the morning on a cold and cloudy day running races and building castles of sand.  She saw only sunny skies ahead, perhaps some puffy white clouds licking the top of the fortress they was constructing.

            "Think we need a princess in the castle, Papa?" she asked after they had been working for some forty minutes.  The thing was quite complex, now, complete with royal stables and the beginnings of a town.

            Riku had stopped working on the castle a few minutes ago.  He was now lying back with his eyes closed, his head resting on his hands.  "What, Nadia?" he asked, opening his eyes halfway.  "It's looking great, honey."

            "But do we need a princess?"

            Riku shook his head.  "You're the only princess I need, Nadia."

            She giggled.

            "Hey, Papa, are you tired?"

            "My head hurts a little.  I'll be fine in a minute."

            She chewed her lip a little.  "Can I help?"

            "Nah, just keep working on the castle."

            "Okay."  Nadia crawled around to the other side and worked on smoothing out the wall.  She was waiting patiently for the time when he would sweep her up in his arms again and she could fly.

~*~

            Sora woke early that morning.  He was fairly surprised he had ever gotten to sleep.  Riku's late night visit had certainly provoked a lot of thoughts, but now he finally had his mind made up.

            _"People change.  But my love hasn't, Sora."_

            "I know," Sora whispered.  _I'll make it up to you, Kairi.  We can be together._

            He stood and did a few stretches; after a few nights of sleeping in soft beds, a hard floor didn't seem as bearable as it once had.  Sora folded up the blankets he had used and stashed them back into the corner.

            _I hope your adventures go more smoothly than mine did_, he thought to the children who owned these things.

            Sora left to find the sky gray above and the sand wet below.  The angry winds of last night had subsided, replaced by the sort of curt breeze that often preceded the dawn.

            Although…there seemed to be an extra bite to it today.

            Ignoring this, Sora rubbed his neck and started off for the house.  At the crest of the hill where it was situated, he turned and surveyed the island.  He could see Riku tossing Nadia into the air.  The smiles on their faces were enough to warm anybody on that cold morning.  He entered the house.

            There wasn't much of a chance, but Sora still looked.  He found the raggedy pile of clothes that had been found on him and clawed through them.  In a small patch of red fabric he found what he was looking for.  He hugged the precious treasure to his chest and proceeded to wait for Kairi.

            When Kairi came down to the study it was almost nine o'clock and Sora was finishing a book called _The Prince and the Three Foxes_ that had been left open there.  He had had a lantern lit to read by; that's how Kairi discovered him.

            "Good morning," he said cautiously, setting the book on the table next to some glasses.

            Kairi lingered in the doorway, her arms crossed.  She was wearing a plain blue dress that had white flowers embroidered along the hem and no sleeves.  Her maroon-red hair was pulled into two braids on the back of her head.

            "How are you today?" Sora asked when Kairi didn't say anything.

            "Rested, thank you.  Do you know where Nadia is?"

            "I saw her playing with Riku on the beach."

            "All right," the woman replied, a hint of relief passing across her face.

            _She's so beautiful_, Sora couldn't help but think.

            "I hope you don't mind.  I was reading this book of yours," he said, gesturing at it, "About the prince and the foxes.  Quite interesting, really."

            The sides of Kairi's lip curled upward slightly.  "That's Nadia's book, silly."

            "Kairi…"  He stood.

            She pulled back a little, back into the darkness of the hallway.  "What do you want?"

            "I have to apologize…for hurting you."

            She turned her back to him.  Sora felt his stomach whirl.  _She's not going to forgive me?_

            "You're supposed to grovel."

            Sora fell to his knees immediately.

            Kairi turned around.  Upon seeing him, she giggled behind a raised hand.  "Oh, stop.  You look ridiculous!"

            "No, you deserve this," he told her, waddling forth on his knees.

            "Oh, honestly—!"  She was really laughing now.

            "_Sora_…"

            A yard or so in front of her, he stopped and bowed, throwing his hands in front of him and practically kissing the floor.  "Please forgive me, Kairi, for being the stupidest man in the world—no, in any and all worlds out there."

            She stood back and watched him bow like this ten times.  "Okay, okay!  That's enough!"

            He came to standing then, but did not move much closer.  He also refused to smile.

            "Sora?"  Her smile dissipated in confusion.

            Sora took her hand into his and slipped the cloth-covered item into it.

            "Take this," he whispered.

            "Wha—?"

            "I'm fulfilling my promise," he explained as the material fell away to reveal a sparkling orange and white star.

            Kairi gasped in surprise.  "My paopu locket!  How did you—?"

            "A promise is a promise, isn't it, Kairi?"

            Her eyes began to sparkle in the lantern light.  "I thought…  I thought you wanted to forget all that childhood nonsense…"

            "It wasn't nonsense, Kairi.  I was the one who was a fool, not you.  You were the one who stayed loyal to what we said back then."

            "But we've all changed, Sora.  You said so yourself…"

            He shrugged.  "Talking to you like this, giving you back your 'lucky charm'…  I kinda feel like my old self again."

            "Really, Sora?"

            "Really.  Hey, I wouldn't lie to you."

            Kairi fastened the star around her neck and it dangled over her chest.  "Thank you, Sora."

            "You don't owe me any thanks, Kairi," Sora told her earnestly.  "It's me who owes you everything.  I have ten years to make up for."

            She slipped her arms around his waist and held herself close.  "Don't worry about that, Sora.  We've got the rest of our lives together."

            They stared deep into each other's eyes until Sora finally bent his head down and delivered a long kiss on her anxious lips.

            "Everything is perfect," Kairi mumbled, rubbing her cheek against Sora's shoulder.  "I'm so happy."

            Sora embraced Kairi tightly, knowing that she would be his from now on.  Finally, his nightmare of ten years was ended.  The worlds had been saved, the Door opened, and Kairi's heart won.

            His struggle was over.  He kissed Kairi's forehead and then concentrated on breathing in the scent of her hair.

            "Never leave my side again, Sora."

            "I won't."

            "Promise?"

            "Promise."

            It was only then that they heard Nadia screaming.

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_…un capítulo más…_


	14. Goodbyes

            Nadia dipped her hands into the cold sea and let the water wash the clumps of sand that were sticking there.  She rubbed her hands dry on the skirt of her dress and offered one of them to her father, who gratefully took it.

            "What next, Papa?" the girl wondered.

            Riku smiled down at her curious expression.  "Let's walk a little."

            They strolled down the beach, small hand in big hand.  Nadia skipped at times, dancing around the waves.  The sea was an enormous sheet of gray glass reflecting the blanket of dull sky, but the girl was a bright sun shining at his side.

            "Papa, I want to fly!" Nadia announced, holding her arms wide out in front of her.

            Riku knelt before the girl.  _I honestly don't feel strong enough_, he admitted to himself, but he, as Kairi had observed many times, would never deny his daughter anything.

            "Okay," he said, grabbing her waist firmly in both hands.  "Let's fly."

            The girl was so small, even for her age, and so light, even in his weakened state.  She grinned as Riku began to turn in slow, sweeping circles.  Up and down and all around they went.  Her giggles pierced the crisp morning air.

_Farewell…my beloved, my precious_

_The tears that fall change to snow_

_Farewell, the me that cried until yesterday_

_Quietly I close my eyes_

            He slowed down a little and clutched Nadia closer to him.  Her face was on his shoulder and her legs were out free, kicking the air.  They spun slower and slower.

            Dizzy…  He felt…dizzy…

            "Papa!" screamed Nadia as they began to fall to the ground.

            Riku realized what was happening and manipulated his body so Nadia would not land beneath him.  She bounced off his chest and into the sand.  His back hit some rocks and they ruthlessly tore at his shirt and skin.  But this pain was nothing.

            "Papa…!"  Nadia was kneeling beside him when he next could see, her innocent eyes big and bright and anxious.

            He groaned and propped himself up on skinned elbows.  "Nadia…"

            "Papa," she whispered, placing her hand on top of his.

            Riku gazed into Nadia's face, that face that looked so much like Kairi's.  He could see everything all at once.  The emotions from each experience were born anew within the depths of his heart.

            He was a small boy without a mother, then, in another second, a child racing down the beach with other boys and girls.  He was a jealous teenager lashing out at those who cared for him.  He turned friends into enemies.  He was misguided and angry, siding with evil.  He was lost, alone in the dark.  He was found, but the light was dim.  He was lost again with no family left.

            The light grew brighter.  He was in love, so in love it hurt.  He was so in love he took the girl to bed, so in love he created a child.  He was a father, he had a baby.  He cared for that baby more than anything, more than anything.  He was rejected, he was out of love with the woman, out of favor.  He was a father, a father…  He had to give up the woman, but the child was his.

_Casually, you brushed me aside_

_Leaning by the window_

_Acting a bit shy_

_I was smiling_

            Nadia squeezed his hand and took him back to the present.

            "Papa?"

            "Don't be afraid, Nadia."

            "Papa!" she screamed, falling into his arms.

            "Nadia, you mean the world to me, you know that?  I love you…more than anything."

            "'Love you too, Papa."

            Riku fell back, slow and easy, his last view of reality Nadia's worried face as she crouched next to him.  He closed his eyes and imagined himself with his arms around Kairi and Nadia.

            A true family.  Riku smiled.

            His head exploded with pain for the last time.

~*~

            Was he asleep?

            Nadia trembled.

            "Papa?"

            She touched his hand.  It still felt warm.

            "Papa?"

            She could see dark blood pooling in his ear.

            The screams began.

~*~

_I was always watching you _

_You kissed my cheek_

_And walked away_

            Sora, in surprise, had clenched his fingers deep into Kairi's arms.

            Kairi, upon hearing her child so frantic, wrenched free of him and bolted for the door.  "_Nadia!_"

            Sora followed Kairi as the woman sprinted across the beach to where Nadia was standing.  The girl trembled in fear, and her mouth would not close.  She just kept shrieking.  Her cries pierced the crisp morning air.

            As soon as she saw Riku sprawled on the rocks, a small amount of blood in his ear, Kairi fell back into Sora.

            She wanted to scream too.

            Sora pushed Kairi to stand on her own and went and placed two fingers on Riku's neck.

            "No pulse…" he said from the state of shock.

            Kairi threw both hands in front of her mouth, stumbling back in sheer horror.  Her blood ran cold and her heart squeezed hard inside.  "Riku…"

            Selphie appeared from over the hill.  "_Oh my God_," the woman whispered when she was close enough to see.  "I heard the screaming, but…"

            Sora jerked his head toward woman.  "Get Nadia away from here."

            She nodded and ran up to block the child's view.

            "_No!_" Nadia shrieked, trying desperately to push past her.  "I want Papa!"

            "No, Nadia," Selphie commanded, pulling the girl into her arms and carrying her away.  Nadia proceeded to kick and scream, the tears pouring from her eyes freely and hotly.

            "_Papa!_"

            Kairi fell to her knees.  "Riku!"

            Sora looked at her.  His face was almost white.  "He's…dead…"

_Farewell…my beloved, my precious_

_The tears that fall change to snow_

_Farewell, the me that cried until yesterday_

_Quietly I close my eyes_

            "You're lying!  He can't be!"

            "Why the hell would I lie?  He's gone, Kairi…"

            She shook her head furiously.  "You're wrong!  I just talked to him last night!"

            "So did I!"

            Everything became clear to Kairi then.  She was so traumatized…she could not even cry.  "_My God_, that means…"

            Sora turned his face to that of the man lying on the sand.  "Riku…"

            "He knew…"

            Kairi collapsed on herself, beginning to weep into her hands.  "That's why he…"

            "He knew he was…  Oh, God, he knew he was dying and he didn't tell us!"

            _Why would he have told us?  He wouldn't have done anything to upset me or Nadia.  I know that…  Riku, why did this have to happen?  Why am I so selfish?  I shouldn't have let you refuse the doctor—I shouldn't have listened to you when you said you were fine.  I'm so selfish.  I let you take care of yourself because I was too worried about my own problems…_

            "Kairi?" Sora asked cautiously.

            "I'm so selfish!"

            Sora kept staring at Riku's peaceful face.  "We both are."

            Kairi stumbled halfway to her feet, tripping across the sand to kneel on Riku's other side.  She began to plead in whispers.  "Please wake up, Riku.  You have to!"

            "There's nothing we can do, Kairi," Sora told her firmly, gripping her shoulder.

            "No, no!"  She kept shaking her head, tears flying from both eyes.

            Sora released her and stood.  For a moment, he put his head down and closed his eyes.  Was he praying?

            "I'll give you some time," the man told her somberly.  "You…you were the one closest to him."

            "Thank you."

            "Remember, Kairi:  he's at peace now."

            Kairi didn't watch Sora walk away.  She rested her eyes on Riku's strong features, all relaxed now.  She touched this face, this face that had looked down on her with love and tenderness so many times.

            It still felt warm and soft.

_Only in our dreams_

_We feared nothing_

_Even the future we could not see_

            "Riku…"  She began swiftly, and then stopped just as fast.

            _I can't say goodbye to him!  I don't want to!_

            "Riku, I'm so sorry," she murmured, stroking his silver-blue hair.  "I'm sorry I was so selfish.  All those years I thought _I_ was doing the self-sacrificing thing by waiting for Sora…  I was blind to your pain.  I guess, somewhere inside, I always knew that you still loved me.   And I depended on that love—even though I could never return it!"

            Hot tears burned freely from her eyes, pouring down her cheeks like lava flows.

            "Even now I don't want to say goodbye to you, Riku…  How selfish can I get?  Those headaches…  You were suffering, but you said it was nothing.  You…you knew…"

            _Selfish!  Selfish!  Selfish!_

            "I hate myself," she whispered.  "How could I have done this to you?  I'm so sorry…!"

            She noticed Riku's skin growing colder as the morning chill began to settle in around his lifeless body.

            "You're…really gone…"

            But no farewell would leave her lips.

_I quietly watched you_

_And you seemed happy_

~*~

            Nadia watched from the crest of the hill as Kairi prayed over Riku's body and then folded his arms over his chest.  The woman swayed as she walked up the hill and gripped both hands over her heart, tightly balling the blue fabric of her dress between pale hands.

            The little girl had cried long and hard and now could only watch as an era of her life drew to a close.  She, like the others, was hopelessly unaware of what had stricken Riku and brought down such a strong man in such a short time.

            She would never know that a monster had lodged itself in his mind and quickly began to grow, greedily sucking up the brain's resources.  Sometimes it announced its presence to a powerless Riku, swelling and causing intense pain that could cause the man to lose consciousness.  Once in a while, it took part of Riku's personality, throwing him into intense mood swings or making him act quite unlike himself.

            Nadia watched now as her mother reunited with that man, that man who had shown up on the island just in time to ruin everything.  Kairi collapsed into his arms now and cried.

            All Nadia knew of him was that, before _his_ arrival, she had had a happy family.  Now her beloved Papa was gone and Mommy fell into a stranger's arms for comfort.

            The girl glared daggers at this man, this man that had taken her Papa away.

            She would never forgive him.

_Farewell…my beloved, my precious_

_The tears that fall change to snow_

_Farewell, the me that cried until yesterday_

_Tonight is quiet, isn't it?_

~*Dreams Before Yesterday:  End*~

Lyrics used here are _inspired_ by many translations I looked at for the song "Sayonara" by Gackt on his album _Rebirth_, and are by no means a transliteration.  I highly recommend getting the song and listening to it (perhaps while re-reading this chapter!  I tried it myself and it makes things very sad, I tell you!)

Oh, by the way, I have one word to say about Riku's fate:  _sorry_.  (I always manage to kill off major characters…!)  I had it planned for a long time, and wasn't very covert with my foreshadowing, either…  I need to improve on that…  Actually, I need to improve on a lot of things.  Hee hee.

Thank you for reading _Dreams Before Yesterday_!  School is out now, so I will soon be starting up the sequel, which should be almost as angsty as this baby.  It will feature Nadia, as I said, but I fear she'll have been transformed from her cute seven-year-old self—hm, probably shouldn't give away any more plot.  Look for it soon, probably within the next week (ha, I have no life).


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